Over-stressed, probably?

Let's go for a flashback, shall we?

8/5/2011
Let's see. Tomorrow is our first day of lecture and I am to have Introduction of Accounting in the Morning, 10am to 12pm. Then, Ethnic Relation in the evening, 5pm to 6pm. We were jamming in Eric's room all the way until 3am, or so. Final happy moments before I become a full-time nerd.

9/5/2011
Introduction of Accounting was good. The teacher I got was very clear of what she is talking about. In the time between 12pm to 5pm, I did my research in the library, about accounting. Cross referencing books and notes I managed to copy down (although I know that I am going to have my lecture notes, but... No harm done with copying right? It makes my brain work, at least it's better than people just listening to the lecturer without understanding whatever he says)

Ethnic Relation, good point is my lecturer is very happy-go-lucky and sarcastic when he talked about some sensitive issues, meh. That's status quo. Bad point is, no lecture notes for us to read. FML! Now I am hoping for my seniors to get their notes.

10/5/2011
Microeconomics. 8am to 10am. My lecturer is a fun and happy person. I liked that aura I sensed in the hall. He's very knowledgible about the subject he is teaching and he knows how to give proper analogies for us to understand. He said, "Never mind. It's ok if you've not taken Ekonomi Asas before for SPM. We start from zero."

I headed to lunch right after that, and then I took a nap. I had so many weird dreams in ONE hour (or was it two?).

Well, this was what I could remember, (this is quite "dirty", mind you) a guy friend and I were finding a place to have some close-proximity relationship (a.k.a sex or masturbation) in somewhere secluded and then we got into a basement floor of car park, after searching for the right spot for so long. Then, we arrived there and we witnessed a crime scene, the yellow bands were there, police were there. The body wasn't there. Then, everything from the scene melted and I woke up (did I?).

I continued sleeping after taking a sip of water and I noticed that I was wearing a sailor's outfit. White uniform. Black shoes. A scene from Titanic. I was lying flat across the long staircase and I was amazed (when I thought back) that I did not fall or slip down a single bit. Then, The water rose. I could feel my whole body wet (at first) and I was panicked and thought of running away. I couldn't. I half opened my eyes and I was in my room, yes I know I was. Then I closed my eyes again, and the water rose. I wanted to get up from my bed but I couldn't. The water was pulling me downwards. The water was rising up to my chin that moment. I opened my eyes again, wanting to scream but yet I couldn't find the energy to even open my mouth or vibrate my vocal cord. Then, I realised, in the midst of the dream I was actually dry. The water was actually an illusion. It was a dream. I continued sleeping, the water level rose up to my head, my body felt rigid for a moment and everything difused into black nothingness.

This time, I woke up, for real and I had a terrible headache. I decided to pop a tablet of PCM to suppress my pain. Went to bathe, and I felt light again. Now, come to think about it. I strongly feel that it was either God or my inner self, trying to say, "Relax. Take your time, Alex. I will be here for you." As soon as I felt light again, I went to library doing my revision for Microeconomics and I learned a few other things there that my lecturer didn't cover too. It was good. I was happy again.

11/5/2011
I went to watch movie and played bowling with my hostel gang. Yes, undoubtedly I am the youngest in the clique. I know what I am doing. I've done my psychoanalysis for those that I would be close with and they're nice people. No, I shouldn't say nice. Nice is actually a bad word to describe people before 18th century.
Latin nescius (“ignorant, not knowing”); compare nescire (“to know not, be ignorant of”) ne (“not”) + scire (“to know”).
Let's just call them, decent people. Yup. I am very happy and grateful to know them. At night, Granny called (because I told her I am going to watch movie with my friends here) and she started lecturing me again. Don't tell your friends that you have such amount in your FD. Don't tell your friends you take alcohol. Don't tell this, don't tell that. I simply retort by saying: I know what I am doing. At the end of the call, I felt depressed, instead of happy.

I called my cousin sister to talk about this and I cried quite badly (I was grateful that my room mate was not there). I then noticed, I was not hating Granny but afraid of her passing away. The sense of belonging in me is too strong. I think I should learn to detach myself now, so that I would not feel depressingly bad when my SOLE supporter ever since Dad went to the UK and everyone else went on their own roads, passes away. I need courage and I shall sow courage in me now.

12/5/2011
Here I am. Blogging about my recent updates. Praise to the Lord, my faith in Him is still unshaken. My philosophy in life is still in me. Nothing bad has changed in me. I only changed for better. I learn more here. I am happy. I AM happy.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.