Prayers answered and Evangelising as an Evangelist

Prayers answered:
Yes Lord, I thank You for such peace You have given to me today, Lord! You are truly my Rock, Jesus Christ!

So, today, guess what? Exam on New Year's Eve. Fundamentals of Accounting. I have only done the past year papers for 3 days, last week and I barely could retain any possible NEW things I've learnt, since I was so busy with other 3 subjects. In the end, I had only 1 day for each subject to revise and yesterday (Friday) I was reading ITS, and today was FOA.

All in all, I told God, "I surrender my life to You," and it was not answered. But I had faith in Him, of course. I slept at around 2am and I woke up at 10am, since my exam was on 2pm, dreaming of beautiful heavenly encounters too! So, the sleep was very comfortable and it seemed long.

When I woke up, I did what I was supposed to do by revising all of my Accounting workings and theories, expecting theories to come out like my previous semester's Introduction to Accounting (but I was disappointed after that when there were no theories were tested. But anyhow, I was satisfied!) all done in 1 hour 35 minutes. Then, I read the Bible. I somehow found peace in me and I did not get nervous.

Then, on my last 15 minutes, (as I was planning to leave hostel and off to my exam venue) I said, "God, I surrender my 15 minutes to You, God. Let Your will be done, God. Thank You, Jesus." I immediately got drunk with the Holy Spirit. I suddenly lost sense of exam stress and I went for exam on that condition. Feeling drunk with the Holy Spirit, until I stepped into the exam venue, my soul and spirit were sharpened. I already knew that God's hands were with me. I then continued singing grace to the Lord in my heart, for whatever calculation I was doing and thanking Him for every mistakes I found myself doing. As it ended, I just noticed that it was pure fun in the exam venue. I had no sense of excitement for the paper, or even sense of nervousness when I couldn't reconcile my answers. I was only focusing my mind on God. He was truly with me throughout the duration. I then came back to my hostel, smiling broadly, broader than ever. Honestly, I have never had such euphoria for exam before, ever in my life. Amen!

Evangelising as an Evangelist
Yesterday, during my church's House of Prayer for All Nations, (it is basically soaking session for our minds to be renewed and for us all to pray for the nation and share our visions that God has given us) I unexpectedly received my five-fold ministry calling - to be an evangelist. And yesterday, after dinner, my section overseer was talking a lot and teaching me a lot on how to be an evangelist, while not forsaking the other 4 aspects (i.e.: pastoral, apostolic, teaching and prophetic).

Today, after exam, I had a chance to evangelise to my friend, who was having his right hand sprained. I ministered healing under God's name yesterday and again today, and he said that it was 50% healed. I started evangelising to him, making him understand the underlying concept of Christianity - where we usually claim that Christianity is a relationship with God, and not a religion.

I spent about an hour before dining with him, talking about Christianity. Although he didn't acknowledge, at least he realized that I could perform healing under Lord Jesus' name and he couldn't. At least, now he knows a lot more of Christianity. Yes, in the end, he didn't get completely healed (it was very obvious that the Holy Spirit was reluctant already), at least, at least... He tasted a little bit of it. I'm glad that I managed to stir him, deep down in his heart. May God bless him. Amen.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Exam Stress and Journey with God Almighty

I have been very busy with so many other programs recently to the extend that I do not have much time to study. I somehow felt that I wasted a lot of my time sleeping along the way as well. Well, even my bloody tears will not roll back the time for my to redo what I wanted to do, so, I better get myself equipped so long I still have the time to do so and don't worry and forever sing praises to the Lord. I need Him right now, more than ever.

I have given my life, my ENTIRE life, to Him and be His servant of righteousness already. All I can hope for is His grace for guiding me through this examination - perhaps, saving some souls along the way? This is interesting! And so, I believe in this:

Philippians 4:13

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

And I should never worry:

Matthew 6:25-34

New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

    ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?    ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
 

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

It's all about HAVING FAITH and BEING HUMBLE

Today, I've just finished my Introduction to Organization and Management coursework. I felt defeated after knowing that I've done a few mistakes and I earnestly lost faith in the middle of the road. But then again, I hear voices in my head,
"Have you tried your best?"
"Did you pray before you take the test?"
"Do you have faith in God?"
"Do you believe that He never leaves you alone?"
I agreed on all these silently. Then, as I was walking to my hostel, I saw a stranger, this girl smiled very sweetly to me when we bumped into each other and I smiled back. Immediately, I told myself: I'm beaten, but never defeated!

Then, when I finally checked my dusty Hotmail inbox, I've finally read a reply from my course leader dated 11/11/11 regarding a dilemma previously in my course and she was rather offended with what I've written. I took the humble road and be humble. I apologized to her from the bottom of my heart as she did state clearly in her email that she "... demand something," which obviously is my apology.

In her reply, she told that she was disappointed with my character as a "justifier" (she didn't say this exact words, but this was what she meant), in future as an accountant. I stated to her that I am worried myself too. I reassured her that she has made an impact in my life and I said that I need the environment to educate me, since of course, I come from a broken home. So, my ethics are rather raw, compared to other people.

Conclusion is, I feel blessed today. For what has happened. Thank You, God for not forsaking me but loved me so much and continuously blessing me. I love You!

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

I hate accounting!

That was the bold statement I confessed to my Fundamentals of Accounting tutor. He took it calmly. He was a good listener indeed. I didn't "read" him wrongly here. He's very fatherly, actually. Anyway, what he told me was rather inspirational and very straight forward. Here is the conversation:
Me: Sir, I'd like to talk to you.
Sir: Alright. What?
Me: I have a problem, sir. I hate accounting. I find it tedious and so very dead.
Sir: If that's the case, why did you take up this course?
Me: Well, sir you see. I'd like more to strategic thinking kinda stuffs. That's why I'm aiming for AMA (Management Accounting) for my Advance. I also talked to the lecturer about my dilemma last semester because I was fond of Economics.
Sir: So, what did she say?
Me: She advised me to give more time to think about my decision as we go up to Sem 7, we'll have combination of both. So, she asked me to do my choice there. She also said that Economics major's job scope is very small, which was why I didn't think of going for it anymore.
Sir: So, you see. Even AMA has accounting papers.
Me: I know but you see, at least things are not dead there. I like subjects like Law, Governance and IAS more. For example like what we learnt on Company? There was this popular case of Saloman that I liked very much.
Sir: You see, if you wanna go for the higher level subjects, you should get good foundation in your basics first. This is very important. If you don't know the elements of double entry, you can't do anything when you're in higher level, true?
Me: I also believe that this level's accounting is too downright basic till I have lost my interest in accounting. Or, it could be the class tutorials like I said, it's very confusing. Either that, OR, no offence, sir, you confused me too. Remember what happened during our first class on Inventory? I said you confused me.

So, readers. These are the only memorable lines. As I bid him goodbye, I thought to myself again: Music Theory Grades 1-4 are simple and very dull rhythm composition. I stayed strong and now, I could finally compose melody. I shall stay strong, for analytical mind's sake! I need this foundation to be good for future.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Today is 12/11/2011

Yesterday, God finally answered my call! I love You, God. Thanks for granting my wish. My Dad's sickness is finally over.

Dad, if you read this...
I wanna apologize that I have not been a good son to you, by sinning against you when you were down. I was/am naive about the circumstances and plans that you have laid for me. You might come home drunk, you might talk nonsense. You might even scold me for my wrongdoings. You left me. You came back. You left me again. You came back again. You didn't know that last week was my first time, I shed tears for you when I knew you were leaving back to the UK again. I guess, all these while, when I lied to myself and said, "Let things be. I don't wanna be bothered," was just a lie. That night, when I cried, I noticed that whatever that happened, whatever psychological torture you gave me since you met Patricia, I couldn't hate you, although I did say so a few times in the past. I simply couldn't. My heart denied that feeling that I was trying to plant into it (because I don't wanna be hurt in future anymore). You have lost my respect since you didn't hear my pleas.

But yesterday, Dad. You have gained my respect again. I could finally see your responsibility as a Dad, not just giving me my financial needs for the next 4 years to come but also gave me advices regarding investments and savings as well as protecting me last night. I finally see it. You have always respected my choices in whatever I do and only detest my choices when I am proven to have bad judgments, now I shall respect your choice to go back to the UK. Thank you, Dad. I love you. I also love You, God for giving me such pleasant evening yesterday, although it rained pretty badly at first.

That's not all. My English teacher also told me that I am very unique when it comes to acting. She said that not many could actually forget who they are in reality to get into the role of the characters. We also discussed on the matter of synchronization of music and acting lines. Apparently there is a very huge breach of communication between these two. It was my fault for neglecting the music line. I'm sorry. All in all, next Monday, everything shall be discussed and finalized. The performance is coming nearer each minute and I still can't see something solid from the group. Despite the fact that we have been practising since the beginning of the semester, we still have a lot of space for improvement. I am a fair person and I am saying this justly, "If we don't do something about this by next week, we'll be humiliating ourselves on the stage next month."

When I reached home and went for my Music Theory class, there was another message uttered with sincerity by my Music teacher which inspired me, and thus I believed that my enthusiasm has made her day too...

We were in Melody Composition. It was an eight-bar melody of composition. I chose to compose for the cello (I will always do so, because that's the only bass-clef instrument I know of) and my teacher and I volleyed each other on the melody at cadence points. She told me that she has always taught her students to reply to the opening melody by using SEQUENCE/ IMITATION, because to her, that's the safest method (besides scales of course).

My words touched her; I said, "Sorry. Please let me think of the melody. It's running in my head already," we kept quiet until I wrote my last note. After I wrote out the melody, she tried changing it by using her method of teaching her students - sequence/ imitation. I said, "No. It is not meant to be played this manner. The final note cannot be played with the low F note. This piece is meant to be happy! The low F note suggests 'This is the end of my melody composition and I want you to clap NOW'." She smiled and nodded her head and we agreed on retaining the high F note.

Then, she told me to add the musical performance directions which I immediately added because such articulations were already in my head when she tried my melody on the piano. I noticed that she asked me a lot of questions (I sensed she was quite excited) during my "decorating" session, "Upbow, downbow?" "Want to slur?" "Louder here perhaps?" I took some and rejected many. I did not mean to disrespect her. I wanted to prove to her that, that was what was in my mind and I wanted her to comment on my composition. I also believe that compositions are never rigid. The 4 golden rules (Sequence, Imitation, Repetition and Contrast) and simply provided as guidelines. I did more passing and auxilliary notes and broken chords instead.

When it was time to bid each other goodbye, she finally said, "All these while, I have never met a student which has the melody constructed in their heads. They always follow what I say. If I do not tell them what to do, in their minds, they're all empty."

I retorted, "But, come on! All you students play the piano. Can't they imagine?"

Her reply was very sensible, "Don't you know that most children are forced by their parents?"

I kept quiet, knowing that she was absolutely right about this. She progressed on talking about her colleague who has been teaching the piano for 14 years never has a student going for the ABRSM Grade 8 practical examination. I couldn't agree more on her heartache.

She also voiced her sadness (though not directly) to me about how her students seem uninterested and how they all show very slow progress in their practical. Then I joked, "Then, Mr. William is indeed very lucky to have me as his student for guitar! I am the fastest student in his classes. Usually, one month, we will go up another level." I bid her goodbye and good night.

To these people, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all have made my day. Really. Thank you.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

PS: For my non-avid readers, my Dad's sickness, it's metaphorical.
PSS: Damn! As I do my editing of the title, I just noticed that yesterday was indeed a special day - thanks to 11/11/11!!

What I have been up to recently

Had I been an atheist, I would have died already. God has always been there for me, listening to my prayers - Thank You!

What I have been up to recently?
1. Very busy with due assignments. ITS assignment due next week and my leader is still not sure what to do. I'm planning to take over soon enough. Just when it's time to end. We have to submit our assignments up on Friday next week. My part to worry is: Are my members going to be able to finish up their assignments on time? Although I know that their individual worksheets are not going to affect me by a tiniest bit, but I want the best out of them. Pardon me for speaking in such manner. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not the leader, but I am going to be by next week - I would need their works to be compiled under my file (since I am the first, alphabetically, so I need to use my name as my group. This is what I call indirect leadership).

2. ITS been put aside, I have English group presentation, also due next Friday. Actually, that's our presentation date. We chose (I should say, I chose because everyone had tremendous stress to cope up with due to this topic, including me. But, I know they could do it. I have faith in them) WAR as our topic. This is how it sounds like: "War has been a polemic issue. However, since the end of World War II, there are still regional wars in many parts of the world. Discuss the causes and effects of war and ways to prevent it."

3. Now, I also have ITS test on next Friday after our group presentation. I had to stay up late last night (I only started revising yesterday after dinner, around 11pm) to read and memorize the first chapter. I don't quite like to use the term MEMORIZE actually... I prefer, UNDERSTAND. As a result, I skipped my IOM lecture at 8am. I was too tired. I'd be dead tired if I go for it. Anyhow, I was lucky that this chapter is quite easy - Management and Leadership. It's very interesting too!!

4. My drama group is pretty much on its downturn at the moment. The music line has some problems which I ignored since the beginning of the practice. I admit, it's my management fault and I am very sorry for this. Today, during our supposed practice, we didn't because the guitarists were not available for today's slot - oh, how much I hate being informed about their last minute changes! So, today the actors talked about this and we have come up with a grand solution - focus more on music line from next practice onwards! As for the props, make-up and what not, I'll leave it to my English tutor. That is not my concern. My concern is mainly on this dancers. Once everything is settled, I shall synchorize everything up already. To my actors, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for telling me your great CONTIGENCY plan! I really appreciate them.

So, till then, wish me luck in whatever may come tomorrow (symbolically, future).
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Disappointment

Sometimes, self-reliance is a lot better than what we have for now. I just got out of my Information and Technology System lecture. My lecturer has disappointed me. She lost momentum every single time I went for her lecture. It is now week 5. I've given her more than enough time to prove herself worthy to me (as well as the other course mates). It is very disappointing that she drags too much time, sitting down during her lecture (Do you think it is appropriate?).

I got out of the lecture hall about half hour prior to the end of lecture. Now, I am blogging about my disappointment in college library and I figured something out: Flipping through my text book and trying to understand my lecture notes ALL BY MYSELF (or with friends) are hell better than attending my time-consuming lecture.

Well, Mom, I am sure you will advise me about this, saying that I must go, whether it is fun or very dead boring. But have you forgotten, I couldn't ace well because of tuitions in form 3, but once I stopped all those nonsensical extra PAID classes, everything went a lot better. So, this is it. I am going to return to my traditional style.

I understood so many literatures, I understood astrophysics when I was in form 1 (but now I've forgotten, of course, because I am not applying it!), I understood Theory of Music very quickly (it is only 6 months, or less, and I am already  in Grade 5), I understood so many things without a proper tutor beside me. I got an A for Physics in SPM despite the forever-changing teachers during form 4, I got an A- (sadly, the only A- in my result slip) for Biology, despite the unfathomable classes back in school. I got an A for Hubungan Etnik, knowing that my lecturer was terrible, I had to study like a mad cow, memorizing laws and sections with their definitions to support my answers.

I have done all of the above with grace of God and with His grace, He gave me presents - supporting friends and family, awesome library in my college for me to do research and my strength and confidence. I will not fucking go down so easily.

To whom it may concern: I don't care if you are a very poorly trained lecturer, or you're just getting money by sitting down during your lectures. Let me tell you this, if I score well, it is none of your credits, but if I do not get CGPA of 4.000 this semester and the factor is ITS, you are to be blamed. Bear in mind, what goes around, comes around. You will pay this price in the future.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Last Minute Changes...

Last night was a super duper hectic life for me! Wanna peek in my mind, here is it:

Scene 1: Dad's flight has been postponed to September, I cannot depend on him anymore to send me back home.

Scene 2: Mom's car is down at the moment and will be repaired during the holidays, so there is no hope for me to depend on her to send me back home.

Scene 3: I need to carry my cello back home to practice and I would really look ugly to bring it back home like this on bus! I would look like a hooligan.

Scene 4: I had a one-week's laundry to wash before I leave this semester, because I was wanting to safe my RM3 for laundry and pack this back home, but... Just read the above scenes, then you'll understand.

Scene 5: I had to go to meet someone about some part-time job at 10pm and it was 9.40pm that time when I started panicking. At 10pm, we went there and wasted spent 1 hour plus listening to an MLM product. Holy cow! 

To whom it may concern: Allow me to highlight these part. I'm sorry, people. I might look like I am interested but I actually am listening, that's all. I am a born listener and yes, that's me. I didn't consider anything at that point. Well, let's just take it as a value judgment session for your presentations, alright. You all did good but you tire people who listen. No offense, alright?

Scene 6: I came back to hostel at around 11.30pm and started hardcore discussion with my hostel friends. 4 of us, in my room. Discussing techniques and different question types. Of course there are a lot of hollering because everyone was stressed up last (mid)night and I broke the tense with another stress, "Guys, seriously. I can see that 2 years from now, in Sem 7, we're gonna be here in this room, discussing Law, Audit, ICDM and what not," they all were a little awed with this (although it is going to be a fact) but we continued studying after that, ignoring what I had just said. After our discussion had ended at 1.30am. We finally bade each other goodbye and sleep.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Exam today

Indeed, God answered my prayers last night and this morning. Before I went for my exam, I called home again, to be blessed by Granny and... It all come out, bulls eye! Everything we  read, all came out! I was so glad for what we have prepared. Many many thanks to my hostel friends. They have been of tremendous help for just when my sole light failed me. Thank You, God for Your awesome gift! Right after that, I went to Jusco with my classmate for a lunch, window shopped and played some arcade games before we both bid farewell.

But I shall share to you (albeit such happy thoughts and doings as for to-half-day), it was a very tiring paper. I didn't even have time to go to toilet! All I did was to write, write and write. But of course there are points at where I was stuck on thinking of translations. I am a little embarrassed of myself right now. For once my proficiency in Bahasa was good... Now it has switched hands to English. For once my Hokkien was better than Mandarin, now it's otherwise. Sigh... I shall find ways to balance them back for sure!

Tomorrow would be English. I hope the same hope I have been having since form 4 - Let my ideas be organized. Honestly, I thought my previous English teacher was being biased of my works but now it happened that she was right all along, because my tutor HERE is also criticizing on my disorganized idea. When will this freaking end?!  I shall be borrowing my friend's MUET text book tonight, to revise on some factual essay facts. Language is not the problem, but my problem is the juice! I ain't have good juice to squeeze!

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Here's my update

As usual, I'm sorry for playing the MIA game here. Exam is TOMORROW and I am still reading but many thanks to waking up quite early, I have finished reading the whole subject for tomorrow. I am just aiming for the best but if I can't, I should be glad with what I have in hands. Upon reading this subject, I was hiding in my room for a period of 4 hours (or was it longer?) and singing MCR songs in between to regulate with my building blocks of pressure and stress.

Today's Mom's birthday but I've already celebrated with her and Sis on Sunday. She understood my predicaments. Many thanks to her, I have had the first birthday celebration with her and Sis. Although it isn't grand but it's good enough. The aesthetic value of the lunch we had together was priceless. So, once again, Happy Birthday, Mom. Although sometimes I tend to show my distaste for you and Dad in the past, I now understood clearly that everything has its special reason and it is indeed a blessing in disguise since you left the matrimony home. Thanks again for spending time with me on Sunday. I'm still sorry for the "where should we have our lunch?" incident that drove Sis mad. LOL!

Third and final update: I have just enrolled myself under NUFFNANG. It's a kind of organization which posts campaigns on my blog and I earn money with that. Thanks to my hostel mate who told me about this. Now, I find more reasons to update, share and inspire all of you. Whee! For my classmates and all other people out there who are having exam tomorrow - good luck and sleep well tonight!

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Of Exam and English Carnival Night

Exam is this next week. I think I am rather prepared for it? Many people are proven wrong. SO WRONG. They said that I will start playing, and lose momentum over my own studies and later on being hard to grab and yada yada... BUT I proved them all wrong! Guess that shows I have good circle of friends here!!

English Carnival Night is next semester. I am playing the role as a Wife in a story which revolves around a typical family breach scene of Daddy having mistress, child abuse which later leads to child suicide. Things are rather typical, I know. But isn't it what we all are facing now? Even I underwent the same problem. It is only common for these couples to divorce, you see? Well, I am not trying to make myself shameful to face the society by talking in such a manner... Come on, if it wasn't money, mistress and poison, what else would it ever be? To be frank, this is as normal as premarital sex. Tell me no, and I shall not write in the future.

Above all rest, I do hope that I shall act good on stage as a Wife. It is quite challenging for me to even start writing the script (yes, I am scriptwriter, director and the protagonist) and the best new thing for me is, this is a musical drama where we would have dancers and singers performing live instead of using radio to make the sound effects - this idea is credited by a guy in Group 27, 1DAC(C) whom I have yet to know him personally...

So yesterday, we were all doing discussions about all those appropriate scene managements and adding a few other relevant ideas into the script, and rejecting quite a lot of new incoherent ideas (OK, not so incoherent but we just felt that it is better off this way already, instead of changing the WHOLE script) from many people. All I did was to listen and make less noise. I only write down those relevant points to be added in the script. That's my job. There is no use protecting my script at all because this is an open discussion where in ultimatum, everyone would agree to this one final script (and yes, the story line was already finalized), many thanks to my members and tutor.

Let's just all hope that we will rock the stage on that night! VIP's will be there too! THIS IS SO COOL, isn't it? So, TARCians, if you're free that night (date yet to be finalized by the exco), please do come and support us. As the saying goes, "Be savvy, speak English".

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Of Incompetency and Justification

2: inadequate to or unsuitable for a particular purpose

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/incompetent

Folks, that is the definition from Merriam Webster Online dictionary of the key word I am about to talk about.

I have recently seen a person who feels (I think I should say... appears to be) incompetent with me and the reason is rather obvious. It (I wish not to reveal the gender here) somehow feels there is a necessity for it to be better than me, or else, on par with me. Now, let me tell you what I have been through the past few years of my short life on Earth; I was more or less like this person depicted in this post and one day my school counsellor comes to me (instead of me going to him) and he requested for an appointment with me because he could somehow see that my psychological behavior is really unfit to being a positive thinker. What he did was to listen to me attentively with all my problems and then he advised me these sentences which I would never forget although time may stop:

"Change I MUST into I TRY," and
"One mountain is always higher than the one that we see here."

And those 2 sentences had changed my perspective about competency altogether. Then, it came to this point where I think,
"Well, at first I thought I was jealous of you for getting such good results all the time and me, only an average Joe but, hey. I don't attend tuitions, unlike you. I am far more active compared to you. I know more general things compared to you. I could surely speak better than you. I could find more things I could do more than you could. AND I BELIEVE YOU TOO, COULD DO A LOT OF THINGS I AM NOT CAPABLE OF. So, I don't have to envy you. I respect you. We trade knowledge instead. That's better, don't you think?"

Let's get back to this main topic. As I was saying earlier, this person who feels incompetent with me MUST be knocked on its head to let it know that I don't give an atom of care about your sunken result. So, spare your tendons and energy to keep turning back to see if I am seeing your sunken results, whatever it may be. Your folio or test results because I am not bothered a single bit.

Somehow, I now have a theory: Wherever new places I go, I must make a justification (or rather a warning) to them that I am not bothered about other people's results and I am not ever interested to compete anymore. I don't wanna end up like who I used to be last time. I am who I am now that you all see today. No more petty depressions for no reasons.

I might sound bitter in this post, I apologize for that because I really am angry about this person and deep inside me, pitying it for having such mindset which would really ruin your mental health. I know I should just confront this person, but like I've said in Tumblr, "I'll give that person one more chance..." hence I will.

To you, if you're reading. Please. Stop whatever you're doing. You might think it's funny, but I totally despise of it wholeheartedly. Thanks.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

My Reformed Perspective

At final last, my majoring issue is solved! Many thanks to my Introduction to Accounting lecturer, and of course my other wonderful Economics lecturer. Both of them have made my resolutions about my majoring very clear. So here it is now:
1. I am gonna stick to my Accounting Major in this college. Hey, look! Accounting Major leads to becoming a financial analyst/strategist too (that is if I were to take CIMA).
1.5 Now, I will let my Diploma second year to decide whether CIMA or ACCA suits me most. After all, my IA lecturer told me, these 2 qualifications are equal in the corporate world!
2. I am not gonna pursue any forms of major in Economics in future (but perhaps Psychology, just for fun).
3. As per advised by my IA lecturer (paraphrased), "First three working years are very critical. Try to get into the MNC's for working experiences."

I'm positive about it! Carpe diem :)

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Dance and other dilemmas

Dance. It is getting stressful now, seeing that a couple is better than the both of us. So we decided to continue dancing a little while longer after lesson which was 9am to 11am, and we dragged on to 12pm. Then we both headed for lunch and talked all the way until 12.50pm, as she had to go for her lecture at 1pm. We promised to meet up again in the hostel after she finished her lecture at 3pm and thence, we danced till my body ached. I believe she is rather in pain now too.

We danced rock and roll and cha cha all the way till 5pm and I had to rush for my orchestra practice. New things are hard to handle but I am getting a grip of the technical side in music theory, so it shouldn't be a BIG problem to me, as a newbie. Since the conductor is away for some reasons, I somehow wishes to volunteer but... Who am I? I didn't even dare to ask! Well yes, I know my conducting skills would be very "flaysome" at some points because I conduct with spirit, not theories. Screw that.

7pm, with my instrument, I went dinner with my hostel gang nearby. I ate too much and too salty that I ended up drinking too much of sweet drinks - 6 glasses of drinks all together for the whole day yesterday and I binged myself with tonnes of water and I couldn't and didn't feel like taking a lag. I was really worried and tired last night so I succumbed into my sleep at 12.15am, after teaching my friend Quantitative Studies.

That was all for the day.

The other dilemmas: Replacement classes. I have to replace 3 classes because...
16/6/2011 ALL TARC MERIT SCHOLARSHIP HOLDERS are required to be there as witnesses in a loan giving ceremony. Now, you see... Nothing is free in the world. However, I'd rather attend this (and forgo my lessons on that day, and then replace them) than to attend my lessons, and I might be faced with consequences that my scholarship might be withdrawn. No, I don't want that. No, no, no.

21/6/2011 I have my exam. ABRSM Grade 2 Music Practical Examination. Scales and pieces are all in my head but I am afraid of: sight reading, singing. Otherwise, things would be fine. I hope they would be fine. PLEASE BE FINE! I would freeze my guitar for the moment and pursue musical theory first. Later, I shall continue my guitar lessons. Let's see how things fly :)

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Rock and Roll

Yes, today's dance was extremely stressful. We have 2 more weeks for our test! I AM FREAKING SCARED FOR THAT!!!!! My partner is still weak, when she is weak, I am weak too. However, I am not implying I am good myself. I do have my flaws too. I need her. I cannot do it without her. No matter how good other people are. I don't care. She's mine and would be mine until the end of the last beat in the hall for our test!

To my dancing partner,
Be strong. We practice more and everything would be fine. Trust me.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Microeconomics Presentation

I was freaking nervous, as usual. I always am nervous when I know I am about to have my presentation or any forms of public speaking. I was shaking and I was cold. As the time passed by, I eventually got warmer and I felt a little lifelier. And there I went, my presentation. Many thanks to my friends who were willing to listen to my mock-up presentation, I have improved a lot because of their comments. Especially those comments from my team mates today, prior to my presentation. ALEX, TOO FAST! TOO COMPLICATED! SLOW DOWN.

Those comments have helped me a lot, in order to make my audience understand. They said I was good, but to me, I still did have flaws. A little. However, I was rather satisfied with my own outcome. Once again, thanks a lot, guys. You've made it better. It was so funny that my presentation style was actually the same with my tutor. COINCIDENCE. I never contacted her or anything, all I did was to think how to make it fathomable by the audience and WHAM! The steps in answering the questions were rather similar. Ha, ha.

After the class has been dismissed, when everyone else went out of the class, I was the last, because I wanted to talk to my team mate who is going to present next week; and as she has left and my tutor was still there. I asked, "Miss, is there any comments for improvement for my presentation?" She faltered and said, "No. You're perfect." So, once again, friends, seriously. Without you, I'd not get such compliment from the tutor. THANKS!

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

HECTIC!!

Really! I wonder why the hell am I so hectic today. From morning all the way till now. I woke up extra early to attend a class at 12.30pm, as I thought the class started at 11.30am. DAMN. It was all because I saw the wrong time table last night. SCREW IT, DUDE. My friend said it was due to my own stupidity, when I told him. Well... Served me right! PFFT~

Now let me just tell you how I killed time this morning. 11.30am, my friends told me that the class was 12.30pm and I went to library to do some researches on Probability. I never liked tree diagram. EVER. ALWAYS HATING THAT PART.

12.20pm, went back to my respective class and saw all my friends there. Ahh - sense of homeliness. Basically, today's lesson was a total waste of time because I have finished my group's assignment. Today, he was merely giving us the points to write on. So, it was a waste of time but I managed to make full use of it by asking my friends about that stupid tree diagram. Now, I am crystal clear about it. Or so I hope I am.

So now I have about half more hour before I start my English tutorial and I am in the library, accessing internet to kill time. Today will be more to journal writing and phonetics. Shit. I hate that latter topic. It is so damn boring that I nearly lost consciousness everytime my tutor talks about it!

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Hostel Week 3/Lecture Week 2/Tutorial Week 1

It refers to the same week, just the beginning of time is different. Meh, anyway let's start with HOSTEL. It was only 3 weeks, yes but I am rather surprised how (rather) close all of us are already. To volley what my friend said, "for now you will be with us but once you get your friends, you sure will leave us all again.", well Eric, you're very wrong here, boy. Another friend and I thought the same about what you have told us - We're not like what you think we are. Ha, ha.

In hostel, I see and learn many things. First, sociology. Second, independence. Third, knowledge sharing. Fourth, but it should be the most important; friendship in mediocrity. This, I indeed value very much where there is very much lesser complications compared to my "previous" group where everyone, well... Almost everyone? Yeah, they rather misunderstand me quite a lot. Now I am not saying I am self-righteous. I do have my faults too. We give and take, alright?

Lecture 2, things have gone a little deeper. I still can manage. Tutorial Week 1...
Today my ME tutor had ice-broken us and at the same time, my class rep too has established a tutorial group page for us all. I just found out yesterday that I was the only Seremban kid in the whole class. Me, always a special case. Ha, ha. As for group assignments however, it was only 2 days and now (Mom, listen. Your son) I am already a group leader for 2 coursework projects. I see stress is at bay now, invading my PEACE zone soon enough. Stress, the gates are readily opened for you. Come to me and I shall beat you flat.

Today, on my way home after ME tutorial class, my schedule was delayed 30 minutes (or so) due to heavy downpour. Screw it! I then took bus to Wangsa Maju and from there, LRT to Pasar Seni. As soon as I got down the train, I walked to the desired location of Pudu Raya. Upon doing so, I've asked a few people and there was one Chinese old man who had given me the wrong information which led to to somewhere else and there, I met an Indonesian man. He was such a nice person! He brought me all the way to Pudu Raya and upon reaching, he had asked me to take care of myself. I felt blessed. God heard me; on the way to the "wrong direction" before I met this Indonesian man, I passed by a church and I prayed and He answered. So then, I took a bus from Pudu Raya to Seremban. It was only about 1 hour, which is half the time if I board the train. I called my cousin sister to fetch me and I managed to go for my guitar class on time! As soon as I've finished my guitar class, I went to talk to my music school principal regarding my aural classes - my exam is coming really soon. My sight reading still sucks. SIGH! Oh, I bought new sets of strings too!! Just the right timing for my exam. 1 month for the strings to be stabilized.

I had family dinner after that and right now, here I am. Blogging. Imma sleep soon enough, though. Pretty tired with my journey.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

PS:
1. Guitar exam is on 21st June - I need to apply for leave from my school office next week.
2. I am having my first aural class tomorrow. Wish me luck!
3. I am skipping tomorrow's IA lecture - that explains why I am in Seremban now when most of 1DAC(C) are still there. Chill guys, it's only double entry. I'm positive.

I am going to be:

1. A guitarist
2. A science-and-economics minded accountant in work
3. A certified accountant
4. A violist
5. A contemporary dancer (just registered for this course for co-curriculum in college)
6. A deist (which I already am)
Last but not least,
7. A student who tries to get GPA and CGPA of >3.500

God, friends, family. Be with me. Thanks :)
Supplicanti parce, Deus.

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL???!!!!!

Yes, guys I am sorry for my loud cussing up there. It is just too frustrating that I didn't know how to even take care of my laptop. Now it is crashed. FML exactly. So, this week when I get back to my hometown, I will send my laptop for a repair, sadly this is not under warranty - software problem. Served me right. DAMN, I know. It was so heartbreaking to know that, you see!!

And yesterday, Eric and his room mate, and another friend and I were all enjoying our late new year. Today, is the beginning of the new year. For me. Beginning of Semester 1 for 1 DAC. I've just ended my lecture a few hours ago and now I am in the library to check on references and to do my revision for today's lecture. Yes, people might think I am insane for pushing myself so hard but... THIS IS ME. Deal with it.

Well later at 5pm, I am going to attend another lecture regarding Ethical Relationship (which I have no idea what the heck it is  going to be like!) and going for dinner right after that with my hostel gang. At the same time, my hostel gang is swimming when I am attending lecture. Meh!
So, wish me all the best for the future, as I will toast a glass of wine for all of you. Cheers!!

Supplicanti parce, Deus.