no nO NO!!!

Tomorrow's our Physics Science Show Competition. I seriously don't really care for it now. While we were practicing in Anjung today. Kevinraj was very rude to all of us which I wanted to just give him a big loud hard bloody slap! Bloody irritating! If I were not a prefect, I would start talking crap in front of him by asking him thousands of questions involving equations of linear motion and other principles. He's such an idiotic loophole!

Because of him, I had completely lost my will and my friends were motivating me, trying to bring me up again for a few hours. It didn't really work actually. So the four of us (Keerthana, Hamsalekkha, Miss Siti Aisyah and I) sat down on a the rock-table-and chairs behind Biology lab and we started gossiping about our school's business and how teacher was unhappy with um... I better shush.

OK, I really have to go and study now! TTFN!

PS: I can play I'm Yours already! But it's a little weird because I did my own strumming and stuffs. OK. Bye...

Colours

So here we are again, with the same topic of this essay (from Ru Yen's blog). I don't want to talk much except for reminding you guys; whatever you read, whatever you comment, PLEASE DO NOT compare my piece and Wern Yeen's. We both have our own styles. Enjoy (the corrected version of my Colours)...

***

'You are my sunshine my only sunshine,

You make me happy when skies are grey,

You never know dear how much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away.'

Dad used to lullaby me with this song every single night when I was a small girl. I was his sunshine. His red. His orange. His yellow. His kaleidoscope of colours. His... everything!

However, I began to realize that I was no longer in cloud nine. As I grew older, Dad started to treat me differently. He started to scold me for any mistakes I had done. My world was getting duller and duller each day. My skies were turning grey and cloudy.

Sunshine? No more. No more...

I was sure everything happened for a reason. But I didn't know the reason just yet.

He could not see me anymore. Maybe he was too busy working in his office. Things got worse when Mum left me. She went with another man. One night, I heard them quarrel from my room.

'Mike, you're boring, Mike. I can't spend another meaningful minute of my life seeing you going out with that bloody swine anymore!' Mum shouted. It was obvious she was ill-humoured.

'You'd been spying on me all this while?! How dare you!' A loud slap was heard after Dad's terrifying roar.

'You terrible monster!' I heard Mum said that line softly. She was not angry anymore. She was hurt - deep within her heart's core. I cried silently in my room.

That was the very last time I heard her voice.

Dad had never cared for me ever since. Until the day I fainted in school. When I woke up, I realized that I had been warded in Columbia Asia. There I saw Dad's face scribbled with worry and remorse.

He was remorseful because he had never listened to me when I had been complaining about my throbbing head almost every day. He just asked me to sleep.

I could see a male doctor explaining my condition to him. He began to cry. A minute later, Mum came too. I was too tired to hear and see what was happening.

All I realized was an electrocardiogram was beeping rhythmically resting on my right, wires all over, drip and an oxygen mask on my face. It was serious. I knew it was time for me to go already. To meet Him.

When I finally could speak the next day, I asked Mum about my condition. She was holding my hand all night long.

'Mum, is it serious?'

'No, girly. No. Not at all,' and tears started pouring down from her eye-dams. She was lying to me.

'Charlene, the doctor...; Dad croaked, 'he said... that you are in the last stage of brain cancer. I'm sorry, dear,' and he joined my crying Mum.

'Dad, Mum, I love you,' and everything went blank. Then, I dreamt a dream. A dream where I could hear Dad singing my old favourite lullaby and I was five.

We were walking abreast, hand on hand playing around with the jolly Jinny Joes which took the form of white dandelions in reality, bright-yellow singing tulips and the smiling sun with his golden radiation. Ah... I loved it there. It was paradise.

Then, I saw a light - I knew it was time. Time to go back Home.

'Bye dada...' I waved slowly and walked into the light - one step at a time.

'No Charlene. Don't go. Stay with me! Charlene!' Before I stepped into the light, I smiled and sang the last verse of the song to Dad, finishing the song for him.

'In all my dreams you seem to leave me,

When I awake my poor heart pains,

So won't you come back and make me happy,

I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.'

I took a deep breath and went into the light. A very bright halo shone. I closed my eyes.

And my vision diffused into the black nothingness.

***

Examiner's (Mrs. Poga) comment: 43/50

'Language A. Story interesting. Beginning and end in line with the topic but the middle.....'

I am really honoured because I've never gotten an A for continuous writing before (the best was only B)! Thanks to teacher, that said, '...you've a lot of knowledge. Show it, Kim Huat...' so hmmm... I'm glad. Thanks teacher!

Autocraticism (or dictatorship)

Well, I am not so sure whether or not the word: AUTOCRATICISM is in the dictionary (or thesaurus). But it's just this one point I want to share with you people out there. Today's the first time ever we've our official prefect's meeting with our new set leaders.

Seriously, this is the first time I am so scared of my own leader (in the meeting). Actually I don't exactly know what was the feeling most of us feel but let's just call it 'scared' for simple reference, alright? It has changed from authoritative leadership (last year's) to autocratic leadership (now). I feel like I'm way back in Germany hundreds of years ago - yea, if you guys know about it: it was during Adolf Hitler's reign where everybody was so afraid of his 'iron fist'.

Frankly, in the 19th century, yes of course, all those naive people will and must be afraid of such leadership. If you didn't get it right, that was all for then. As for the 21st century - don't make me laugh, folks. ADOLF HITLER in 21st century?! Come on!!! Even some of the Rakyat dared to go against their leaders, why can't others? (no offense!!! It's just an example)

I read an article about people criticising other religions last week. It's just the same example. People are fearless to criticise other religions and their leaders, which I am sure these 'riot minds' of my schoolmates dare to do the same! Furthermore, my leader's just a normal kid who is 16 this year. The only difference is: he's a leader, we are not.

I am not trying to say that I hate my present leader or going against him or whatsoever like that. It's just that... I need to tell this sooner or later without hurting anyone. I think that's all I have for now.

PS: For those who they know who they are, PLEASE! I am not turning my back on you. It's just my view about your leadership. I don't want to do some silly things and ending up going to the office for the Hearing. I don't want that to happen - ever! I seriously hope that you will take into consideration and try to put yourselves into our shoes. Try to think about what we feel at times and PLEASE do not be offended as I am sure I am using polite terms to refer to things without all those curses and crap because I know. No matter how much I curse, I will not change the world. The world will not stop for me. So, that's it. Bye for now...

Pour mon ami - Stephanie

Stephanie , merci beaucoup !

Thanks for the loooooong comment that you replied to the post before this. Remember, Stephanie Liew San San: you do not fail me as a friend. None did - though at times odd things happen, but... as you said,

c'est la vie et ce dupe - A LOT! (Well, I HOPE I got my translation right...)

***

To other people in the world...

Nothing really grand happened in school today. Wait a minute. Um...

BM Class - MAN! I gotta tell you, this was the best BM class I'd ever attended!!! We (Gopinath, Aruna, Zura, Mei Yen and I) were assigned to play our respective roles for a playwright called: titik-titik perjuangan. 'twas really nice, especially when Aruna was reading her lines out - she played a role as an old lady.

Though we just read the lines out without acting in front of the whole class, it was really nice. I liked it! The best part is when the whole class clapped and cheered for her when she spoke.

'Now, I think she thinks that she's a hell outta great!' Francine said in the bus.

Talking about things happened in the bus - Gloria and Francine really made me and Czeh Yinn laugh (because we were talking about Mei Yen).

Me: Even though I dislike Wong Mei Yen, I really pitied her when I saw her crying yesterday when Asriah scolded her.

Gloria: I couldn't be bothered much about her. I don't even care if she dies. She's neutral to me; no anions, no cations.

Me: Perhaps you're in group 18 then.

[Francine entered]

Me: Francine, what ion you think Wong Mei Yen is? Cation or anion?

Francine: I think she's a freakion.

Gloria: LOL, good one!

Well - pity her... Ha ha!

I HAD ENOUGH

SERIOUSLY, I HAD ENOUGH WITH EVERYTHING. I AM THROUGH WITH EVERY SINGLE MISERABLE DEED OF MY BLOODY STUPID LIFE! I JUST HOPE I CAN DIE OR VANISH FROM THIS GODDAMN EARTH BECAUSE I AM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY ON EARTH MUST I GO THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT WHILE OTHER TEENAGERS ARE HAPPILY ENJOYING THEIRS? MISTAKES? I'M DONE WITH MISTAKES.

BY THE WAY, THE SHITS I AM REFERRING TO IS ABOUT MY CRAPPY LIFE - WITHOUT MY MUM, WITHOUT MY DAD, WITHOUT MY GRANDDAD. ALL OF THEM ARE GONE AND I AM LONELY. SAVES FOR THE FACT I AM LIVING HAPPILY WITH AN OLD LADY - MY GRANNY. I SERIOUSLY CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER. I AM SCARED.

GOSH - I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I AM CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS. IT'S THE SECOND TIME I WEEPED SINCE YESTERDAY. IT'S MY DAD. HE WENT BACK TO LONDON; I AM TO BE BLAMED.

FOR SOME EXTENDED REASONS, I JUST HOPE THAT I DO NOT NEED TO STUDY AND JUST WORK A NORMAL JOB. MY DREAMS KILL PEOPLE ONE TIME TOO MANY. I DON'T THINK I DESERVE THIS. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST BURY MY DAMN DREAM ABOUT BEING AN ACCOUNTANT (AND BURY THE HOPE TO STUDY ACCOUNTANCY UNTIL PhD).

I sigh - I surrender. I'm defeated by your fate Lord.