To start off with, The Chronicles of a Broken Heart is a non-profitable tumblr page which comprises many keen teenagers and young adults to help other teens and young adults in distress. I am only of the many wonderful, selfless and lovely staff in there. Well, I have not seen my CEO because she lives in the States and I in Malaysia. How we connect is by emails and that's all. OK, wait! I think that page is already licensed by Tiary, my CEO. Yay!! So this was the post I write in for Depression (Awareness) Week. I just think it is good to share it here as well...
When I first saw Tiary posting about Depression Week, the first thing that came up to me was... Are we going to have bad day all Sunday, as it is a proxy for "depression" yesterday. Anyway as I read today, she changed it into "Depression Awareness" and now I understand what she's trying to portray to the world.
Depressions can come into our mind consciously or subconsciously, mentally speaking. Stress could be good, but depression is never EVER good. I have undergone a few bouts of depressions over the past 3 years (that was when I was in Secondary 4 and 5) because of family issues; and because of that, my studies were a little (trust me, it was very little, I am not trying to impose sarcasm) affected but I still managed to cope up with my studies then.
Finally I realised what actually went wrong in me. It was not studies that I had problems with. It was me. It was me who was my only enemy that time. I started becoming stressed up over small calculation issues like integers, breaking down when I read about History or Biology (I hate those 2 subjects back then) and I became ultra-selfish which what my nation peoples call as "kiasu" - derived from Hokkien dialect, a portamanteau of kia (scared) and su (lose). It was also due to my family members who were not so appreciative of what I get for my exams.
People who are close to me know that I was very kiasu that time... For whatever freaking competitions I go, I'd cry when I didn't get any placing. For any types of tests or exams that I did, I got threatened by my best friends who were "smarter" than me. COME ON! They were my best friends and I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me that I somehow hoped they fail in something they do back then!
However, God touched me. I was truly grateful of that moment that my counselor came and talked to me about my changes. He noticed that I have changed a lot and by God's grace, he changed me into who I am today - a person who is full with joy, enthusiasm and always standing ready for people who need advice or to be listened.
Over the years, I still practice what my counselor told me:
1. Change your I MUST into I TRY MY BEST
2. Remember that one summit is always higher than another, no point comparing!
Now I am living in hostel as I am currently doing my Diploma in Accounting and I do get a bunch of God's gift - very down-to-earth, always stand ready to help and supportive seniors and of course some juniors too. In here, I have noticed quite a lot of things which I try my best to listen and help them too, they are all final year diploma students, if they fail, they can't graduate and they have to leave hostel - that is something they don't quite want happening, of course! So what I do is to listen and convince them that there is still time left, and they have to plan something out. However, besides these seniors there, too is another guy who is studying in the same course with me, whom I have "unlocked" by means of knowing him personally and now I am helping him out with his studies. What I believe is something you might not at all believe: Make miracle!
Conclusion is simple... Plan your days ahead, prepare early in whatever you do, believe in God and also EKAM EVEILEB - I learnt this from If You Could See Me Now, by Cecilia Ahern.
As for parents who might be reading this, show that you appreciate whatever your children do. Although they know you love them, they still want a type of reassurance that you are proud of what they do. It could simply be, "You've done a good job" or even go to the extend of giving them a family vacation. This would stregthen your bonds with your children. Also, do not share to anyone else in the family what your children share with you.
Remember:
1. JUST DO IT
2. Carpe diem
3. Eat, Love, Pray
Yours truly,
Alex.
For more inspirational stories and advises please do come and visit our page. Take care!
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Food and life
One day (last week) my friend asked us (the hostel gang) a simple question which gave a small bout of debate but it does worth the time talking about it:
Do you...
i) Eat to live or
ii) Live to eat?
Well you see here, I have asked about let's see... 5 of my friends here and only one answered what I answered - Live to eat.
I am just thinking of what I read from Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom (that book made me cry like a baby in the end of the story when the rabbi died) last month; "Do you know why when a baby is born, he grasps his hands like this? Because he wants to grab everything in the world. Do you know why when an old man dies, he loses his grip and opens his hands like this? That's because he knows that he could not take everything with him from the world when he dies." That line struck me deep and it also struck many people when I shared it with.
This have shown a few common psychological facts that I have discovered due to that question.
EAT TO LIVE:
1. Worry more that doing it right
2. Grateful but not that much
3. Bound by many insecurities
4. Think too much of uncertainty
5. Live like they're dying
LIVE TO EAT:
1. Just do it (worrying is later)
2. Grateful and simply thankful of what they have - extra things are unnecessary
3. Feels home in almost any possible place
4. What may be, may be/Let bygone be bygone
5. Happy-go-lucky/live like there's no tomorrow/carpe diem
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Disclaimer:
Do not read on one section and conclude the other as total opposite. This is not something like Biology for you to compare Mitosis and Meiosis or Economics in comparing Capitalism and Socialism market structures. This is life.
Do you...
i) Eat to live or
ii) Live to eat?
Well you see here, I have asked about let's see... 5 of my friends here and only one answered what I answered - Live to eat.
I am just thinking of what I read from Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom (that book made me cry like a baby in the end of the story when the rabbi died) last month; "Do you know why when a baby is born, he grasps his hands like this? Because he wants to grab everything in the world. Do you know why when an old man dies, he loses his grip and opens his hands like this? That's because he knows that he could not take everything with him from the world when he dies." That line struck me deep and it also struck many people when I shared it with.
This have shown a few common psychological facts that I have discovered due to that question.
EAT TO LIVE:
1. Worry more that doing it right
2. Grateful but not that much
3. Bound by many insecurities
4. Think too much of uncertainty
5. Live like they're dying
LIVE TO EAT:
1. Just do it (worrying is later)
2. Grateful and simply thankful of what they have - extra things are unnecessary
3. Feels home in almost any possible place
4. What may be, may be/Let bygone be bygone
5. Happy-go-lucky/live like there's no tomorrow/carpe diem
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Disclaimer:
Do not read on one section and conclude the other as total opposite. This is not something like Biology for you to compare Mitosis and Meiosis or Economics in comparing Capitalism and Socialism market structures. This is life.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Hey cutie :)
OK, I know I sound profoundly gay calling a guy cutie... Who cares.
Anyway, there was a few weeks ago that I noticed this quite cute guy coming into my fellow hostel block-mate's room and recently I noticed he smiles at me. One part of me says "He's just being friendly, (because I am friends with his friend - my fellow hostel block-mate)," while the other part says, "Nice. Now I can talk to him." Whatever it shall be, it shall be. So, I am going to talk to him one day when I see him anywhere alone.
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
PS: You do know I am more to the one-to-one guy, don't you? Here, psychoanalysis works best!
Anyway, there was a few weeks ago that I noticed this quite cute guy coming into my fellow hostel block-mate's room and recently I noticed he smiles at me. One part of me says "He's just being friendly, (because I am friends with his friend - my fellow hostel block-mate)," while the other part says, "Nice. Now I can talk to him." Whatever it shall be, it shall be. So, I am going to talk to him one day when I see him anywhere alone.
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
PS: You do know I am more to the one-to-one guy, don't you? Here, psychoanalysis works best!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
BERSIH vs PATRIOT ???
Can someone please tell me why are they going against each other? BERSIH demands their voice be heard. BERSIH is willing to die for Malaysia. BERSIH wants a fairer government. BERSIH wants a better Malaysia.
But... Isn't PATRIOT having the similar motives too? Why are they going against each other? And... If BERSIH was an illegal assembly, shouldn't PATRIOT be too? These are the things that I don't quite understand.
Frankly, I really find it ironic for these 2 to be rivals. Well, I would say that the whole idea of the rally WAS of good intentions but things got worse as they couldn't go into the Merdeka Stadium which Najib did try to appeal for them to have their demonstration held there. There are too many jargons in this incident that I could not believe either sides. Be it on our PM, BERSIH or even PATRIOT.
However yesterday was enough to show that WE ARE WILLING TO DIE FOR OUR OWN COUNTRY. That was the moral of the story. Less any forms of demonstrations, I notice right now, we are becoming more patriotic and sentimental towards our beloved country. Could I say now that the 1Malaysia concept is being effective? I hope so.
As a matter of fact, I do sought high upon both of these teams (I don't care if they're rivals) because they have shown to us the true spirit of fellow Malaysians. Now this is what UNITY is all about, don't you think?
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
But... Isn't PATRIOT having the similar motives too? Why are they going against each other? And... If BERSIH was an illegal assembly, shouldn't PATRIOT be too? These are the things that I don't quite understand.
Frankly, I really find it ironic for these 2 to be rivals. Well, I would say that the whole idea of the rally WAS of good intentions but things got worse as they couldn't go into the Merdeka Stadium which Najib did try to appeal for them to have their demonstration held there. There are too many jargons in this incident that I could not believe either sides. Be it on our PM, BERSIH or even PATRIOT.
However yesterday was enough to show that WE ARE WILLING TO DIE FOR OUR OWN COUNTRY. That was the moral of the story. Less any forms of demonstrations, I notice right now, we are becoming more patriotic and sentimental towards our beloved country. Could I say now that the 1Malaysia concept is being effective? I hope so.
As a matter of fact, I do sought high upon both of these teams (I don't care if they're rivals) because they have shown to us the true spirit of fellow Malaysians. Now this is what UNITY is all about, don't you think?
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Of Incompetency and Justification
2: inadequate to or unsuitable for a particular purpose
Folks, that is the definition from Merriam Webster Online dictionary of the key word I am about to talk about.
I have recently seen a person who feels (I think I should say... appears to be) incompetent with me and the reason is rather obvious. It (I wish not to reveal the gender here) somehow feels there is a necessity for it to be better than me, or else, on par with me. Now, let me tell you what I have been through the past few years of my short life on Earth; I was more or less like this person depicted in this post and one day my school counsellor comes to me (instead of me going to him) and he requested for an appointment with me because he could somehow see that my psychological behavior is really unfit to being a positive thinker. What he did was to listen to me attentively with all my problems and then he advised me these sentences which I would never forget although time may stop:
"Change I MUST into I TRY," and
"One mountain is always higher than the one that we see here."
And those 2 sentences had changed my perspective about competency altogether. Then, it came to this point where I think,
"Well, at first I thought I was jealous of you for getting such good results all the time and me, only an average Joe but, hey. I don't attend tuitions, unlike you. I am far more active compared to you. I know more general things compared to you. I could surely speak better than you. I could find more things I could do more than you could. AND I BELIEVE YOU TOO, COULD DO A LOT OF THINGS I AM NOT CAPABLE OF. So, I don't have to envy you. I respect you. We trade knowledge instead. That's better, don't you think?"
Let's get back to this main topic. As I was saying earlier, this person who feels incompetent with me MUST be knocked on its head to let it know that I don't give an atom of care about your sunken result. So, spare your tendons and energy to keep turning back to see if I am seeing your sunken results, whatever it may be. Your folio or test results because I am not bothered a single bit.
Somehow, I now have a theory: Wherever new places I go, I must make a justification (or rather a warning) to them that I am not bothered about other people's results and I am not ever interested to compete anymore. I don't wanna end up like who I used to be last time. I am who I am now that you all see today. No more petty depressions for no reasons.
I might sound bitter in this post, I apologize for that because I really am angry about this person and deep inside me, pitying it for having such mindset which would really ruin your mental health. I know I should just confront this person, but like I've said in Tumblr, "I'll give that person one more chance..." hence I will.
To you, if you're reading. Please. Stop whatever you're doing. You might think it's funny, but I totally despise of it wholeheartedly. Thanks.
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Folks, that is the definition from Merriam Webster Online dictionary of the key word I am about to talk about.
I have recently seen a person who feels (I think I should say... appears to be) incompetent with me and the reason is rather obvious. It (I wish not to reveal the gender here) somehow feels there is a necessity for it to be better than me, or else, on par with me. Now, let me tell you what I have been through the past few years of my short life on Earth; I was more or less like this person depicted in this post and one day my school counsellor comes to me (instead of me going to him) and he requested for an appointment with me because he could somehow see that my psychological behavior is really unfit to being a positive thinker. What he did was to listen to me attentively with all my problems and then he advised me these sentences which I would never forget although time may stop:
"Change I MUST into I TRY," and
"One mountain is always higher than the one that we see here."
And those 2 sentences had changed my perspective about competency altogether. Then, it came to this point where I think,
"Well, at first I thought I was jealous of you for getting such good results all the time and me, only an average Joe but, hey. I don't attend tuitions, unlike you. I am far more active compared to you. I know more general things compared to you. I could surely speak better than you. I could find more things I could do more than you could. AND I BELIEVE YOU TOO, COULD DO A LOT OF THINGS I AM NOT CAPABLE OF. So, I don't have to envy you. I respect you. We trade knowledge instead. That's better, don't you think?"
Let's get back to this main topic. As I was saying earlier, this person who feels incompetent with me MUST be knocked on its head to let it know that I don't give an atom of care about your sunken result. So, spare your tendons and energy to keep turning back to see if I am seeing your sunken results, whatever it may be. Your folio or test results because I am not bothered a single bit.
Somehow, I now have a theory: Wherever new places I go, I must make a justification (or rather a warning) to them that I am not bothered about other people's results and I am not ever interested to compete anymore. I don't wanna end up like who I used to be last time. I am who I am now that you all see today. No more petty depressions for no reasons.
I might sound bitter in this post, I apologize for that because I really am angry about this person and deep inside me, pitying it for having such mindset which would really ruin your mental health. I know I should just confront this person, but like I've said in Tumblr, "I'll give that person one more chance..." hence I will.
To you, if you're reading. Please. Stop whatever you're doing. You might think it's funny, but I totally despise of it wholeheartedly. Thanks.
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
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