My story:
I called Granny back after noticing her miss call moments ago, "Hello, Granny. Anything?"
"Where have you been?"
"Away. Canteen, for lunch."
"Why are you not bringing your phone there?"
"Well, it's just a short distance. So yeah."
"I see... Anyway I am calling just to ask you when are you coming back home, so I could buy you a pair of shoes. I've just received Grandpa's bonus allowance, that's why."
The shoes... It kinda tugged my heartstrings when she said that. Those pair of shoes are what I am looking forward since I've seen it last month but due to my extremely elastic income elasticity of demand (pardon me, I'm speaking Economics here), I've decided to forgo that shoes and buried that thoughts deep down under.
"Huh? No, don't waste your money over things like this. I've told you I am going to wait for new year so Papa will send some money for me to buy it, remember?" I half raised my tone, unintentionally. I always get angry when people buy things for me. I feel I am rather "worthless" for them that they have to waste their money on me and I HATE to use other people's money, family or no family, especially on things I want! I want to use my own purchasing power to buy that good I want, not by using other people's money. I have even promised Mom to return her RM800 once I get the money, because I couldn't liquidate my fixed deposit just yet to pay for my hostel extension, the due date is in September.
"I don't think your dad is going to give that much of allowance for you for new year. You do know that he doesn't have a stable job in the UK, don't you?" She prompted me.
"Yes, I know but still... Let a father does his responsibility. You have that bonus allowance, you keep it for your own use. Don't waste your money over things like this." I added, and I wanted to add "They won't last" too, but I was afraid she might be hurt by my rejection of her good deed. She had nothing else to say and we bade each other goodbye over the phone.
So you see, readers. The problem is my Granny's extensive love towards me (1) and my evergreen rejection of offer by other people because of my "worthless" self (2). Yes, readers. I know this is a very negative thinking by saying I don't quite like to waste their (people around me) money over me. I was also advised by this friend, "Don't be silly. People do what they enjoy right? And they enjoy talking to you. Spending time with you. See? Don't think such stupid things by saying you're worthless for them."
Sigh... Me and my brain. That's my true enemy in this universe!
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.
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