For you people

First of all, let me just list down these names:

1. Lydia

2. Ivy Foxx

3. Mum

4. Francine

5. Gopinath

6. Adeline Naomi

7. Adeline Woo

And I think that's all?

I really love you guys so much for helping me with this dilemma, which I dunno what has gotten into me. I grow depressive really fast and I start to doubt am I okay, myself too. These few days, I feel that this world was dark and empty. I am a loner. I am not loved.

I don't know what went wrong, like seriously!

I'm also sorry for making so many of you worried about me. To be honest, I am not fine. Mainly, this is because of my exam but I am feeling totally blessed as it is FINALLY ending next week! I've been waiting for that moment since my first paper started.

Secondly, which I think this is the actual real reason... I sense that Granny doesn't really understand me anymore OR perhaps, it is me who's going further from her. Maybe it is because the tide of change or something else? I wouldn't know.

I dunno how would I say it. She seems to be throwing tantrums (and I do too) and shouts at me for some reasons. Maybe it was once again, my misunderstanding and intolerance towards her. I really need a counselor, but I doubt I will have time for it. Exam!!!

Things've changed. Adeline Naomi told me this last month: Ooi, it is 2010. Last year was 2009. Everything's not the same anymore!

But for me, I seriously do not know what has changed and what has not. I could be really happy at a moment and then, I will just go down swingy... I'm worried about myself as much as you're worried about me, seriously. This is not me. I am not who I am now.

SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG IN MY CPU

Every time when you're asking how am I doing, I would say that I am fine for that moment. That's because I don't know what I feel. I feel that the older I am, the further I am with my true self. I think I've lost touch with this boy with such characters (I think):

Happy-go-lucky

Hard-core fighter

"Multi-talented"

Loud

Radical

Brave

I can't find it anymore. I think, this time. I am really lost for the moment. GAHH! I'm insane again. OK, sleeping time. Good night. Francine, I think I will need you again, on Monday perhaps.

PS: I chose Francine because she goes on the same bus with me, I know her for 11 years and we know what each other are thinking on the same issue. So, maybe in the bus, she can come up with something soothing for my soul because there is no time to talk about this at all in school: EXAM!!!

I told a friend of mine yesterday, one of the reasons why I write blog:

"Sometimes, we are so busy that we do not have time to listen to each other but we surely have time to read about each other."