NUFFY

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Inspiration

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNGRnAGj-Xo&feature=related
Yes people, this link up here, inspired me to try new things on guitar. I dunno how his tones affect me with guitar but... It still did, alright.

I am going to arrange my strums (and picks, I guess) for I'm Yours right after my holy exam's over.

PS: I posted it here as my reminder actually...

Friday, May 28, 2010

For you people

First of all, let me just list down these names:
1. Lydia
2. Ivy Foxx
3. Mum
4. Francine
5. Gopinath
6. Adeline Naomi
7. Adeline Woo
And I think that's all?

I really love you guys so much for helping me with this dilemma, which I dunno what has gotten into me. I grow depressive really fast and I start to doubt am I okay, myself too. These few days, I feel that this world was dark and empty. I am a loner. I am not loved.
I don't know what went wrong, like seriously!

I'm also sorry for making so many of you worried about me. To be honest, I am not fine. Mainly, this is because of my exam but I am feeling totally blessed as it is FINALLY ending next week! I've been waiting for that moment since my first paper started.

Secondly, which I think this is the actual real reason... I sense that Granny doesn't really understand me anymore OR perhaps, it is me who's going further from her. Maybe it is because the tide of change or something else? I wouldn't know.

I dunno how would I say it. She seems to be throwing tantrums (and I do too) and shouts at me for some reasons. Maybe it was once again, my misunderstanding and intolerance towards her. I really need a counselor, but I doubt I will have time for it. Exam!!!

Things've changed. Adeline Naomi told me this last month: Ooi, it is 2010. Last year was 2009. Everything's not the same anymore!

But for me, I seriously do not know what has changed and what has not. I could be really happy at a moment and then, I will just go down swingy... I'm worried about myself as much as you're worried about me, seriously. This is not me. I am not who I am now.

SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG IN MY CPU

Every time when you're asking how am I doing, I would say that I am fine for that moment. That's because I don't know what I feel. I feel that the older I am, the further I am with my true self. I think I've lost touch with this boy with such characters (I think):

Happy-go-lucky
Hard-core fighter
"Multi-talented"
Loud
Radical
Brave

I can't find it anymore. I think, this time. I am really lost for the moment. GAHH! I'm insane again. OK, sleeping time. Good night. Francine, I think I will need you again, on Monday perhaps.

PS: I chose Francine because she goes on the same bus with me, I know her for 11 years and we know what each other are thinking on the same issue. So, maybe in the bus, she can come up with something soothing for my soul because there is no time to talk about this at all in school: EXAM!!!

I told a friend of mine yesterday, one of the reasons why I write blog:
"Sometimes, we are so busy that we do not have time to listen to each other but we surely have time to read about each other."

Finally

I've talked to Mum!! I feel so great after that. Readers, the MAIN reason I posted this is to let you know comments are finally open again. I didn't know why people like Lydia and Ivy couldn't comment either. Now, after fixing it. People, you're free for comments now.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I cried and laughed

Yeah, I did. Yesterday I cried again. Almost of the same thing (omit my mom. She's explained why. ALAS). Anyway, Granny says that I shouldn't really be thinking on all these things because I should study hard to get good results (old people's philosophy again...).

Today, Gopinath talked to me about my... hectic updates because Francine was telling him the night before what I said yesterday just moved her. I didn't know why on earth I was being so negative yesterday. Suddenly, rush and gush of "lonesome" came to me. I didn't know why that I felt really... devastated yesterday. But I think the main reason is because of terrible exam schedule and tip-top expectations from everyone, which I really hate it.

I seriously think that on 3/5/2010 right before our post-exam potluck, I will talk to my counselor again. Yeah, I'm baroregulating (taken and adapted from Biology term or osmoregulating and baroreceptors which detect pressure). Oh GOODNESS there, you see!
How insane am I sometimes. I just can't shut my mouth and start talking nonsensical science.

Yeah, and about Gopinath, he was being very convincing: If you need us, we will be there for you. Don't worry, you soon will have a better family of your own.

That really put a smile up to my ears. After he's said that, I realized that I could do today's papers with ease. I didn't know whether does it affect or not, but... The papers today were a little hard but were still fine.

Thanks, guys. You mean a lot to me. But... thinking about it, it is going to be a very sad day leaving all of you some day or another to somewhere else. Er, guys, I didn't mean to say I'm dying. Don't worry. I still have not known many things yet. Dying now is just a waste of knowledge.

PS: Francine nudged me in Facebook and she told me that my previous post almost reduced her to tears. I'm sorry if it was that bad. I just got to let out my feelings sometimes, no matter how stupid it sounds like.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Crushed and Ashamed

Dear readers,
This is one random outburst, due to stress. I hope you don't mind me saying these sarcastic things too. Exam has been driving me up the wall, not forgetting other cold-hearted facts too. Everything now, is so close yet so far. But, readers, don't worry. I will not succumb myself into this lunatic spree. As I have mentioned, it is just a random outburst of what I am feeling. My counselor advised me before to, "let out your frustrations at times" and, "don't let it accumulate inside you." So, here I am. With this... er... unplanned, impromptu "poem."
*****
i
Both of you! Yes, you and you!
YOU!
I am crushed by you
I am ashamed of what the both of you have ever
done to me.

Don't you know,
What you did, creates a negative ripple effect on me?
Don't you know,
That you are hurting me?
Both of you!
You knew, but did you even care?
Did you even LISTEN...

ii
YOU!
Who have claimed to love me,
Loved another.
Bon voyage, you're gone with the wind off shore,
Leaving heaps of debts behind,
Scarring my happy childhood.

iii
Not to forget, YOU!
Who have claimed to love me,
Being bias and disheartening!
You were never once proud of who I am.

You have never supported me!
Have you not know,
What is best for you,
Might not be the best for me?

Don't you know,
I've been longing for your love?
Don't you know,
I want you here sometimes?
Don't you know,
That I miss your voice?
Don't you know,
That my heart has been broken
More than the two of you could ever imagine?

iv
WHY, I wonder.
Sometimes, I am being plain dumb,
Answering my own question:
"That's your faith."

But shouldn't it be better?
Is it so hard for you to listen,
With your hearts near mine?
I don't need ears as I have many,
What I need are your hearts and minds,
Which I have been lacking ever since.

I'm simply...
Crushed,
Ashamed.

v
But I have promised myself,
That no matter what,
I will continue to live my life,
With or without you!

Another question:
Do you... even know me?
*****

Friday, May 7, 2010

The pre-pre D-Day

Yeah, mid term examination. As Izzad says, done with Facebook and now face the books!
Which indeed I will right after my gaming session. I am really going to confiscate my own internet modem so that I can study. If I were to keep it here, I will fiddle around with Facebook, MSN Chat, Emails and of course; blogging.

My friend, Soon Wai or Tommy or Cross (well, people... that's his blog's username...) shares the exact same feelings as I am too. He had posted a raw poem on COFFEE (that was written by another friend, I am not sure whom though) being our best buddy during this infernal month.

On the flip side, people; today I took my Red Crescent Society's History Exam. It's mainly on Conventions, Protocols, Names and Dates. Humdum... But I really hope that I will pass that paper as this is my final year for getting my badges a clean polish. So far I have:
1. Persahabatan Antarabangsa (by doing a folio on activities on Red Crescent Society. I still remembered I was the only one doing folio on activities on International Federation of Red Crescent. Thanks to Google search and Dad who sent me to and fro for buying all sorts of papers and finally to binding it.

2. Pertolongan Cemas. For this, I went to SMKKGV with my herd of RCS members and the number of people who passed this exam were only half or maybe less. I was luckily one of them who'd passed. I thought that I would fail as I didn't get all of my bandages 3X's. I flunked on one, where I got only 2X's. XXX was the best, mind you and of course X was the worst. Not forgetting the First Aid theory. My goodness it was absurdly difficult where I was writing nonsense on one section. Phew, I passed that.

3. Kawad. Yup, my very personal favourite badge. It was the simplest to get. Just shout a few basic commands to my so-called officer, and off I went with a new badge. Now, I'm a sub-commander. How nice.

There are 3 more badges (Sergeant, Kem Kraf and Rawatan) which I am supposed to get them already but until now, even my leader hasn't gotten any new badges too! I wonder when will we ever get them...

OK, that's it for now. Last game of the month, I'm going to face the books. First paper of the week is... English paper 1. Great!

PS: 13/5/2010
I can't get off the modem's hook! Gahhhh!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Shocking News

This is just a small thread:
I am really shocked that almost EVERYONE studies for grades, instead of knowledge! It's really freaky where someone grabs any chance to get any extra marks...

It seems that my perspective on this globe is still very narrow, I suppose?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Guide's Night 2010

It's May Day and it's also Guide's Night today. I am the emcee of the event and my couple is Dylan. I really hope we will not screw things up.

Today, Dylan fetched me to school at 8.30am and we'd been there till 12.30pm. It was tiring and fun. During our break, I went out with her and Jie Xin to have our lunch. We decided to eat at a nearby food court and guess what? Shops are closed. We forgot that it was May Day. So, we headed to a dim sum restaurant right in front of the court and...

1. I ordered a special dim sum - RM8
2. Dylan and I ordered chrysanthemum tea - RM3.60
3. Dylan and I ordered 2 more dim sum - RM8

I need not to worry much as I remembered bringing RM10 and Dylan brought RM9. I still had some coins in my wallet. And the revelation has come...

I forgot that I actually brought RM5 but lucky enough... Dylan brought extra RM5. That was a very close shave! My goodness, that was the very first experience of a money-not-enough situation ever in my life. I never knew dim sum usually are expansive.

On the way back to school, we were laughing our hearts out about the incident. Man, had Dylan no any extra money, we had to borrow from our schoolmate then. His restaurant is just a few lots away from the restaurant we dined in. Regretted not dining there instead. Sigh.

Right after that, full rehearsal started when we reached school. We were faltering a little because we have not memorized our script yet. Anyway, we both will be going through that event-by-event tonight before everything starts. Hope everything will be alright!

PS: Today is Dylan's official retirement in co-curricular field, right after this event, she will be a retired veteran. My retirement will be somewhere next month.