Kyrie Eleison!

There are a lot of things I would like to bring up. I had been receiving God's grace for these 3 days and I finally got the answer. I accepted Christ on 20/11/2011.

18/11/2011 Friday
-I met a guy in my college whom I thought I could never see (since I have accidentally intimidated him earlier on in Facebook chat). This made my day significant on my Friday morning.
-Second thing that made the day fruitful was this: My talkshow (group English presentation) was a major hit! WEEHOO! We have all completely left our tutor dumbstruck. She couldn't find out anything bad to comment on. She was repeating a lot of "Very good" to us with a broad smile.
-Third thing was again, during Music Theory. I gave my interpretation of a piano concerto that my teacher is currently playing and she was glad to receive it. She even agreed to what I wrote upon.

19/11/2011 Saturday
-I saw the guy mentioned above again which was rather shocking for me
-I had dinner with my "special" Christian friends (Bong Yang and Tricia) whom I could see lights upon them when I first met them and we spoke about very spiritual stuffs. Let me not just venture there. It's just hard to believe, seriously. Anyway, this made my day significant.

20/11/2011 Sunday
-I went to World Harvest Church to listen to a speech by Mr Oliver Tham. For both sessions. First session was at 10am (I had breakfast with Tricia, who invited me there, earlier) and the second was at 5pm.
-I left at 12pm, having appointment with my Music teacher in KLCC (with her friends). So then, I was blessed to go to watch the concert (although the conductor didn't have enough energy for me). The ticket was only RM15! Oh goodness, could you imagine that?! It was really good.
-I came back just on time for the second Oliver session and it went on until 8pm, I think. There during the ending, there were signs of Christ for me already. All I did was to pray for righteousness and my prayer was answered. What happened was really extraordinary.

Pardon me, non-believers. This is really hard for you to believe in what I am going to say. You have to accept Him to understand my feeling.

I started trembling and I told Tricia who brought me there, "I think I have the answer. To accept Christ." And I narrated about the whole prayer session a few minutes before I got the answer and I started feeling numb. It was both my hands first. My friends brothers and sisters in Christ there told me that it was all God's grace and honestly. It was FREAKING HEAVY on me! I closed my eyes and was brought into such situation for a period of time.

I then laid my head and hands on Bong Yang's thighs and clasping his hand, after I received Christ in me. I felt the absurd pressure on me! It was heavy, but holy. Then I started crying and screaming for my physical body couldn't accept the grace God has descended on me that night. I collapsed on the floor (I was lucky it was carpeted, so it was rather soft) screaming and they asked me to call out Jesus' name and I did. Okay, at this point. I just thought of Bella. Yeah, now I understand how she felt when the venom was in her body. I know this analogy is epic, but yeah. It was similar to what she was feeling.

There, I saw so many things. Time shall only tell the meanings of each vision I saw that night. Then, it came to a point where I spoke with such authority and I received answers from God about my doubts because earlier on, I had the worry in me that once I accept Christ, I will have to stop praying to my ancestors, but that night I received the answer from Him saying that it is okay to do so because this is MY tradition and not other religions which forbids you doing all sorts of rituals.

These are a few things that I could remember saying:
"Don't call me Alex, for those who only know me today. For this is not my God-given name. Call me (insert my romanized Chinese name) for this is my God-given name to me!"
"That was what I was trying to say, Bong Yang. Whatever you think I pray to, I always say God is only One. The Lord, God is ONLY ONE!!!" (my voice changed entirely for this line)
"Tricia, you father will accept Christ again. Believe in me. Oh Lord father, I pray to You that You shall make (Tricia's dad's full name) accept You once more before he breathe his last breath, O Lord!"

My words were not from me. There were even a few sessions where I spoke in Tongue. It was the Spirit who used me to speak to everyone who was there for me that night. It was simply amazing how God used me to speak to everyone there. Thank You, God.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

PS: For you non-believers. Don't be afraid, if you really think I will end up preaching every minute of my life to you. I received the calling of "being a preacher with my actions, not words," this was what God told me when I was collapsed. "People go to you and then you preach to them. You don't seek them. Let them seek you," He continued.

Also, I got another calling (to be honest, I only slept from 11pm to 1am and I've been awake since then. The time is 3.50am, by the way) when I read Matthew right after I woke up. It was reinstated when I was listening to Mozart's Messa di Requiem. My second calling (my Assignment) is to lead an orchestra. A conductor. This is my calling!

To conclude, for you readers. May God bless you with the goodness from heaven and you shall taste the sweetness of heaven for yourself when your time has come. Amen.

I hate accounting!

That was the bold statement I confessed to my Fundamentals of Accounting tutor. He took it calmly. He was a good listener indeed. I didn't "read" him wrongly here. He's very fatherly, actually. Anyway, what he told me was rather inspirational and very straight forward. Here is the conversation:
Me: Sir, I'd like to talk to you.
Sir: Alright. What?
Me: I have a problem, sir. I hate accounting. I find it tedious and so very dead.
Sir: If that's the case, why did you take up this course?
Me: Well, sir you see. I'd like more to strategic thinking kinda stuffs. That's why I'm aiming for AMA (Management Accounting) for my Advance. I also talked to the lecturer about my dilemma last semester because I was fond of Economics.
Sir: So, what did she say?
Me: She advised me to give more time to think about my decision as we go up to Sem 7, we'll have combination of both. So, she asked me to do my choice there. She also said that Economics major's job scope is very small, which was why I didn't think of going for it anymore.
Sir: So, you see. Even AMA has accounting papers.
Me: I know but you see, at least things are not dead there. I like subjects like Law, Governance and IAS more. For example like what we learnt on Company? There was this popular case of Saloman that I liked very much.
Sir: You see, if you wanna go for the higher level subjects, you should get good foundation in your basics first. This is very important. If you don't know the elements of double entry, you can't do anything when you're in higher level, true?
Me: I also believe that this level's accounting is too downright basic till I have lost my interest in accounting. Or, it could be the class tutorials like I said, it's very confusing. Either that, OR, no offence, sir, you confused me too. Remember what happened during our first class on Inventory? I said you confused me.

So, readers. These are the only memorable lines. As I bid him goodbye, I thought to myself again: Music Theory Grades 1-4 are simple and very dull rhythm composition. I stayed strong and now, I could finally compose melody. I shall stay strong, for analytical mind's sake! I need this foundation to be good for future.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Today is 12/11/2011

Yesterday, God finally answered my call! I love You, God. Thanks for granting my wish. My Dad's sickness is finally over.

Dad, if you read this...
I wanna apologize that I have not been a good son to you, by sinning against you when you were down. I was/am naive about the circumstances and plans that you have laid for me. You might come home drunk, you might talk nonsense. You might even scold me for my wrongdoings. You left me. You came back. You left me again. You came back again. You didn't know that last week was my first time, I shed tears for you when I knew you were leaving back to the UK again. I guess, all these while, when I lied to myself and said, "Let things be. I don't wanna be bothered," was just a lie. That night, when I cried, I noticed that whatever that happened, whatever psychological torture you gave me since you met Patricia, I couldn't hate you, although I did say so a few times in the past. I simply couldn't. My heart denied that feeling that I was trying to plant into it (because I don't wanna be hurt in future anymore). You have lost my respect since you didn't hear my pleas.

But yesterday, Dad. You have gained my respect again. I could finally see your responsibility as a Dad, not just giving me my financial needs for the next 4 years to come but also gave me advices regarding investments and savings as well as protecting me last night. I finally see it. You have always respected my choices in whatever I do and only detest my choices when I am proven to have bad judgments, now I shall respect your choice to go back to the UK. Thank you, Dad. I love you. I also love You, God for giving me such pleasant evening yesterday, although it rained pretty badly at first.

That's not all. My English teacher also told me that I am very unique when it comes to acting. She said that not many could actually forget who they are in reality to get into the role of the characters. We also discussed on the matter of synchronization of music and acting lines. Apparently there is a very huge breach of communication between these two. It was my fault for neglecting the music line. I'm sorry. All in all, next Monday, everything shall be discussed and finalized. The performance is coming nearer each minute and I still can't see something solid from the group. Despite the fact that we have been practising since the beginning of the semester, we still have a lot of space for improvement. I am a fair person and I am saying this justly, "If we don't do something about this by next week, we'll be humiliating ourselves on the stage next month."

When I reached home and went for my Music Theory class, there was another message uttered with sincerity by my Music teacher which inspired me, and thus I believed that my enthusiasm has made her day too...

We were in Melody Composition. It was an eight-bar melody of composition. I chose to compose for the cello (I will always do so, because that's the only bass-clef instrument I know of) and my teacher and I volleyed each other on the melody at cadence points. She told me that she has always taught her students to reply to the opening melody by using SEQUENCE/ IMITATION, because to her, that's the safest method (besides scales of course).

My words touched her; I said, "Sorry. Please let me think of the melody. It's running in my head already," we kept quiet until I wrote my last note. After I wrote out the melody, she tried changing it by using her method of teaching her students - sequence/ imitation. I said, "No. It is not meant to be played this manner. The final note cannot be played with the low F note. This piece is meant to be happy! The low F note suggests 'This is the end of my melody composition and I want you to clap NOW'." She smiled and nodded her head and we agreed on retaining the high F note.

Then, she told me to add the musical performance directions which I immediately added because such articulations were already in my head when she tried my melody on the piano. I noticed that she asked me a lot of questions (I sensed she was quite excited) during my "decorating" session, "Upbow, downbow?" "Want to slur?" "Louder here perhaps?" I took some and rejected many. I did not mean to disrespect her. I wanted to prove to her that, that was what was in my mind and I wanted her to comment on my composition. I also believe that compositions are never rigid. The 4 golden rules (Sequence, Imitation, Repetition and Contrast) and simply provided as guidelines. I did more passing and auxilliary notes and broken chords instead.

When it was time to bid each other goodbye, she finally said, "All these while, I have never met a student which has the melody constructed in their heads. They always follow what I say. If I do not tell them what to do, in their minds, they're all empty."

I retorted, "But, come on! All you students play the piano. Can't they imagine?"

Her reply was very sensible, "Don't you know that most children are forced by their parents?"

I kept quiet, knowing that she was absolutely right about this. She progressed on talking about her colleague who has been teaching the piano for 14 years never has a student going for the ABRSM Grade 8 practical examination. I couldn't agree more on her heartache.

She also voiced her sadness (though not directly) to me about how her students seem uninterested and how they all show very slow progress in their practical. Then I joked, "Then, Mr. William is indeed very lucky to have me as his student for guitar! I am the fastest student in his classes. Usually, one month, we will go up another level." I bid her goodbye and good night.

To these people, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all have made my day. Really. Thank you.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

PS: For my non-avid readers, my Dad's sickness, it's metaphorical.
PSS: Damn! As I do my editing of the title, I just noticed that yesterday was indeed a special day - thanks to 11/11/11!!

What I have been up to recently

Had I been an atheist, I would have died already. God has always been there for me, listening to my prayers - Thank You!

What I have been up to recently?
1. Very busy with due assignments. ITS assignment due next week and my leader is still not sure what to do. I'm planning to take over soon enough. Just when it's time to end. We have to submit our assignments up on Friday next week. My part to worry is: Are my members going to be able to finish up their assignments on time? Although I know that their individual worksheets are not going to affect me by a tiniest bit, but I want the best out of them. Pardon me for speaking in such manner. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not the leader, but I am going to be by next week - I would need their works to be compiled under my file (since I am the first, alphabetically, so I need to use my name as my group. This is what I call indirect leadership).

2. ITS been put aside, I have English group presentation, also due next Friday. Actually, that's our presentation date. We chose (I should say, I chose because everyone had tremendous stress to cope up with due to this topic, including me. But, I know they could do it. I have faith in them) WAR as our topic. This is how it sounds like: "War has been a polemic issue. However, since the end of World War II, there are still regional wars in many parts of the world. Discuss the causes and effects of war and ways to prevent it."

3. Now, I also have ITS test on next Friday after our group presentation. I had to stay up late last night (I only started revising yesterday after dinner, around 11pm) to read and memorize the first chapter. I don't quite like to use the term MEMORIZE actually... I prefer, UNDERSTAND. As a result, I skipped my IOM lecture at 8am. I was too tired. I'd be dead tired if I go for it. Anyhow, I was lucky that this chapter is quite easy - Management and Leadership. It's very interesting too!!

4. My drama group is pretty much on its downturn at the moment. The music line has some problems which I ignored since the beginning of the practice. I admit, it's my management fault and I am very sorry for this. Today, during our supposed practice, we didn't because the guitarists were not available for today's slot - oh, how much I hate being informed about their last minute changes! So, today the actors talked about this and we have come up with a grand solution - focus more on music line from next practice onwards! As for the props, make-up and what not, I'll leave it to my English tutor. That is not my concern. My concern is mainly on this dancers. Once everything is settled, I shall synchorize everything up already. To my actors, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for telling me your great CONTIGENCY plan! I really appreciate them.

So, till then, wish me luck in whatever may come tomorrow (symbolically, future).
Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Worthlessness

Another Staff Sunday Submission by me, for TCBH.

My Economics lecturer on Friday inspired me to write on this article. We were on Keynesian economic model where Keynes argued that during the Great Depression, the economy didn't heal itself - as perscribed by the classical economists.
 
In this part of Keynesian theory, my lecturer said that since the Short-Run SupplyCurve (SRAS) can't move, the only way to self-regulate is by moving the Aggregate Demand (AD) curve and by doing so, Keynes proposed a process called the multiplier process.

He further stated that the multiplier process is a process that happens naturally and it only needs one single person to shift the whole AD curve because the multiplier will do the work. His example was on a person who spends additional RM40 on a good, and in the ultimate end, that RM40 has become RM200 due to multiplier effect.

So he said, "Don't think you are a nobody in the world. If everyone in this lecture hall (we have a gross amount of 300 heads there) spends RM1 lesser, it would total up to about RM300 spent lesser on the market basket, BOOM! Recession."

That day, I was really inspired by his lecture. He indirectly related all of us into the importance we can do to our country. If that is the case, I feel that people who feel worthless about them should really read this, then ask yourself, "To which extend that I am actually worthless to anything at all?" and list it down. Then, compare yourself with the people who commit suicide for their personal reasons. Then, I believe you will see everything in a better perspective.

Don't simply give up for not trying hard ENOUGH. I once read an imageword in Tumblr, "I fell 8 times, but I stood up 9." Doesn't this message mean anything to you? You stood up 9 times! Don't give up. Never do. I've been on many funny circumstances which there are at points I simply feel like giving up. Every single time whenever these things happen, I'd tell everyone, "I FUCKING QUIT!" But deep down in me, I told myself, "Alex. You're a fighter. You are born a fighter. You could survive so long with so many other problems around you all this while and now you're quitting? WAKE UP and fight, Alex! I'm sure there are people who need you around with them. Why give up for something impermanent? SILLY COW!"

One of the many books I've read also tells the character to live and don't die - For One More Day.
One of the many books I've read also tells there is no random act in the world - The Five People.
One of the many books I've read also tells me that God is there and He will help us fight - The Holy Bible.

Don't. Give. Up.

Kyrie eleison; Supplicanti parce, Deus.