Elimination

I've done my part in choral speaking team this year. It was better than what I have thought it to be. A place to guarantee, still. Thank GOD!

Anyway today, I've received an SMS from TAR College about my application. I'm in. YIPPEE!

This feels good. I only have to pay very little for my fee. Thanks for your supports and prayers, that I've gotten straight A's in my SPM. What was important to me that time was these:
GCE O Level - 1A
LCCI Level 2 - Grade 1
Best: 100% tuition fee waiver for the first semester :)

I've spent a few hundreds on cloths and pillow, and other stuffs for college life. THIS better be good! I can't wait to start my economics lesson, baby!!!!
 Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Deactivation

Dear readers,
I've deactivated my Facebook account few minutes ago. I just realised that I need a break from the cyber world and get back to my life. There are so many things left unaccomplished, so many books left untouched, so many things left undone. I wanna gain my life back. I find it nice to wake up ten in the morning now. I find it nice to sleep early (in my definition, it means by 2am). I feel even better if I wake up six in the morning. I miss the "Melons" flute solo in Opera Carmen (by Bizet, that was).

Till then, we will surely stay in touch. In any sorts of ways, if we are fated to stay in touch.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Relieved

This was my emotion right now after knowing that my application for TARC is under consideration.

WHEE HOO! Now all left to do is to wait patiently for their positive reply. I hope it is positive, though. I was a little panicked when the first few days after my registration, I checked on their website about my application status and it was stated that my IC is not verified. Mom said I was being a paranoid. College. Is. On. My. Door. Step.
I've done a lot of shopping. Pillow, bed sheet set, tees, pants, socks etc. And THIS better be of a good cause!
...

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

All done

All is supposedly done at the moment and I am seriously looking for something to do. Scholarships, no thanks. I already have my TARC. Good enough. Semester 1's tuition fee is waived, thanks to my SPM results.
Let's see what I've done and yet to do:

What I've done
1. Photocopy 4 sets of necessary documents. Get them certified.
2. Passport size photos, I have them already.
3. Registration in TARC.
4. Close BSN Account.
5. Budgeting and Cash Flow Monitoring. Every night. Thanks to working experience and basic accounting experience for this one!
6. LCCI Form submission. I was too fast that I sent it straight to the center, instead of to the school first. I HOPE IT IS NOT VOIDED! Otherwise my RM25 postal order would be gone. I'll just wait for the LCCI party to revert my e-mail. I'll give them time till Wednesday, and I shall call them up.

Yet to do
1. Make a new IC. Thanks to that, I couldn't open a new public bank account as soon as I wanted to do so. My IC chip was spoilt. Dang!
2. Open a Public Bank account. Right after I get my new IC. 2 weeks? This better be true. I don't have much time left!!
3. Stop and stare. Wait for TARC to send offer letter to me. I HOPE I CAN GET IT!
4. Stock up necessary things.
5. etc...

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Tepid

Neither hot nor cold. Lukewarm.
Bland. With no additive flavours. Neither sweet, sour, salty, spicy nor bitter.
Fact No. 1. I am not stressed.
Ingemisco tamquam reus

The more I pray, the more I tend to freak out.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's the day. Result's day.
Fact No. 2. I am prepared for the worst. 3B's.
Culpa rubet vultus meus

Should I be feeling nervous?
Or should I just regulate my pressure?
Fact No. 3. I shouldn't worry.
This is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of my new life.
Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Lord of Mercy,
Please give me confidence and strength,
To face tomorrow.
Open my heart as to accept any omens, O' Lord.
Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Amen.


PS: I've removed the tumblroll. I found it too messy.

Classic Books

Are so much cheaper than modern books!
I bought Macbeth and Midsummer Night's Dream, both for below RM20!
Guess book #37 and #38 are coming along the way now, eh? Nice!

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Back on track!

Finally. I am back on track.
Last time I saw myself, I thought of the following:
1. Who cares about sleeping time? So what if I am an owl?
2. I love spending money on food. It worths it!
3. It's my wish to come online anytime I like, doing anything I wanna do.
4. Anyone who isn't happy with the way I am living my life, back off.

Now, I see myself as this:
1. It's better to sleep early and wake up early. "Early to bed, early to rise," as what Granny said. Besides, I hear the flute solo (Melons in Opera Carmen) floating in my mind when I wake up early. Where the sky is blue and atmosphere chilly.
2. It doesn't worth much at all. I can use the equal amount of money on something else.Petrol. Phone reload. Books. Many more. Why did I eat so much of GOOD food with my own money when I am not working yet? Geez, this sucks. Thanks to these people: Louisa, Amir S, Aruna, Mom and Granny. You've changed me!
3. It's better to accompany Granny anytime possible. Coming online isn't vital. Everything would be done within an hour, at most. After all, I'll be leaving soon. Wondering how her conditions would be in later days. I'm worried about that. Lord, please. Hear me. Aid me. Thank you, Lord.
4. I tend to accept whatever they say about me more. Of course I still keep my "Me" essence in myself. Perhaps, it is even better assimilating this way. After all, it's for my own good. Why not?

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Good morning, revival

I think this was an album name for Good Charlotte. Anyway, just to inform you readers about my latest add-ons in my blog.
1. Tumbr rolls are now visible here, as seen above. The GREEN tab. I created this yesterday, after I got fed up with Facebook's terribly aching painfully slow connection. You can follow me too: whatshouldIcallthis?
2. Instead of following me with your blog accounts, you now can follow me via email too. Just submit to me your email address and my updates will be notified in your inbox. Mom, do this!

---

Tumblr's roll (Imprint?) explained:-

I wonder why I didn’t feel anything when you said you’re already someone’s someone. Guess that my heart has already moved on, just like the coffee stains on the white tablecloth. I’m still using it, without you there with me.

Yesterday, a girl that I used to like told me that she is with someone else already. Albeit the fact that she's been covering up to me, I could still see through. I told you, I'm a reader.

However, I felt nothing. No jealousy pangs, no regretful pangs... Just... Nothing. So I told Francine this and she replied:

Well then continue with your gay life. LOL!

Reason number 1 why I love Francine:
She knows what she's talking about!

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Rossiniana No. 1

If I had courage enough to ask my guitar tutor, this is what I would say to him:

Dear Mr. William,
I know that you're a very good guitar teacher and thanks to you, I've unlocked many possibilities which once I thought as impossibilities. Yes, I do mean that Sounds of Bells. I am a mere grade 2 student and you challenged me with this grade 7 piece (as according to my friend who played this piece for his grade 7 exam), and I hope I didn't disappoint you. Right now, I just hope that you can guide me through this fantastic piece of 6 themes in Rossiniana No. 1. I'm very happy if I can even finish the first part - Introduzione in E minor. I know very well you might have to take depressants before teaching me but yeah... I hope you can teach me this piece. I promise you that I'll remember this for the rest of my life (if at all I am not going to knock my head somewhere and lose my memory). Thank you.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Drugs

I'm addicted to drugs. Damn it!

COFFEE IS MY CHOICE OF DRUGS! GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS JUST TOO NICE TO SAY NO TO COFFEE!!! Now I notice I tremble when I don't have coffee. I know this isn't good. Should I go for a rehab?

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Long term hunts

1. Pinot noir glass
2. Wine glass bag - a compartment for 4 would do
3. Champagne glass
4. White wine glass

When will I ever buy these? I am not sure. 50 years to come?
Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Of gastronomy and monetary

Recently, I realize that I've been spending quite thrifty over food.

Granny's complaining.

Mom's complaining.

Teacher's complaining.

Friends are complaining.

Uber alles, I wouldn't blame any of these entities. They are of good intention. Ever since I did my cash budget for my college which is about 2 months from now, I notice that I care more about what I spend. But of course, tend to spend blindly which I very much regretted later. Old habit die hard. But it still has to die. I noticed a few things lately:
1. I haven't drank Starbucks for a long time, neither did I have the intention to drink it.
2. I have stopped going for fast food.
3. I care more about taxes I have to pay.
4. I finally feel RM50 is big for me.

I... Sigh. I'm speechless.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Decisions

Today I've made my decisions on a few things.
1. I'm done with school job. Right after e-mailing the debaters about my text for debate. I AM DONE! I'm not doing some freaking charity where I have to agree on. I want to go on with my life. I've done enough.

2. I'm counting down to go college and travel back as less as possible. I realized that Granny's really wrecking my nerves now. The saying goes, "patience is virtue" has surely helped me a lot. At most, 2 more months here. God, give me Your strength and courage to face this bittersweet present-life. My English teacher and Adeline said before, "Give whatever she wants now. So you will not regret when she's gone. Try tolerating." Indeed I am. Breathe, Alex. Breathe!


3. I'm just going to do everything whatever my heart tells me to do. I do not want to care about whatever people wanna say anymore. Like they all are any better themselves. Oh, please!

4. I'm continuing with my passion. However hard it is going to be in future, maybe that I might have to put myself into hiatus, I am going on with music. Dad, I love you. I love you for being with me for ever.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Classics to Read

1.Jane Eyre (Keevin bought this for me and I've never read it. I feel sorry for him)
2. A Midsummer Night's Dream
3. Macbeth (Again. I didn't really understand it when I was in Form 3. The text was too complicated for me in some ways)

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Always a dilemma

In myself there are major 2 parts
Alex: Dude, are you serious? You're wasting your time.
Me: On what? Talking to people like this?
Alex: Yup. Shouldn't you read up or... Just have a life. You're always being so gullible. Always being hurt in the end.
Me: Well, as long as I am happy for the moment. I know I do not often spend time with these kind of people, knowing how NOT close I am to them. But it is just...
Alex: Nice to see them happy? You always say this.
Me: Yeah. Because this is who I am. I know I will regret for not listening to you.
Alex: Seriously? They're using you!
Me: Alex, I know. Well in the end, I know I've done something right. In the end they know that they've done something wrong.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Faith

One thing about faith, at least to me:
"You cannot take that away from me when I have faith on some certain entities unless, I am whole-heartedly disappointed with those entities."

My faith on something which I have had for about... 4 years is depleting. Why? Refer to the paragraph above.

I have done my job but then again being asked to visit these entities, or should I say this... organization. A temporary one. Over and over again. I went to visit them today, knowing a few things I should not know. After all, I am already the "previous" generation.

"Alex, are you coming tomorrow?"
Nope.
"Why?"
Lazy.
"Lazy? You've nothing to do at home. Come on."

So you are implementing  that I have to come even I have nothing to do at home? Hah.

Nonsense.

Imagine. A masterpiece you compose with all sorts of melodies running in your mind but when it comes to the real world, the masterpiece seems like a joke to everyone. At least, to my eyes. I was the composer, flanked with another friend.

The five-movement symphony (I know symphony has only 4 movements, by the way) that I would hope to hear with a glee smile turns into pile of ash. Joke. Laughters. Mockery. OK, I am exaggerating this part already but that's what I am feeling now. The symphony has turned into a joke. Perhaps it'd be better when I am gone and this piece is being recognized. Ha ha, impossible.

Would you still... "Go tomorrow" to watch them put up a joke up there again?
I don't think anyone with the sane mind would do that but I believe anyone with the saint mind would. They're gifted people. I am not. I have my limits.

I am done scribbling. Although not anyone would understand this post, I am just glad that I've poured it out.


Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Twilight Saga

At 0117 hours, Wednesday, 2nd March 2011. I finished the whole saga, leaving me very much disappointed with the ending.

The other books (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse) were fairly better than the last one - Breaking Dawn. I do not want to criticize more but I am seriously disappointed with the Volturi's decision. VERY! There were a few sparks of the expected outcome by readers but then the final decisive vote casted by Aro (Thanks to Alice who brought Nahuel in later in the climax, upon reaching the abrupt resolution) just... put me too so badly that I nearly shouted, "WHAT THE HELL?!" to the book itself. I am not faking this, folks. I really am disappointed.

However, I see some strong bonds between each member of the opposing team which was the Volturi. The additional information about the covens and some wars the Volturi had undergone didn't fit in much to the main idea at all. Pardon me for being insensible and blunt. I do not like this final book. This isn't my cup of tea.

Now, I'm heading to Cecilia Ahern's THE GIFT, which I should by right be reading that on last Christmas but was too focused on the quest to finish this not-so-epic saga.

So, folks. One more book from my to-read list is off. Cheers!

Supplicanti parce, Deus.

Of passion and ambition

Passion: Music
Ambition: Accountant

I wish it is going to be this easy to put the jargons. Music vs Accountancy.
I had a row with mom this afternoon about how not important music is to me and how important accountancy is compared to music. She wanted me to drop music because it was expensive. She admitted that she had killed many of her desires along the way but she forgot something.

"I am not who you are by killing your own passions, leaving you with an empty shell."

Later tonight, I had just another row with granny about the exact same thing. All she said when I told her accounting is difficult and (I might have to take up Law or Music Studies) was, "then who on earth asks you to pursue accountancy?" I volleyed, "Then what do you want me to do? Sit and rot at home? Pursue science again? Be a mathematician? Be a scientist? Everything is difficult. So what now? I sit at home, that's it, right?" and she was silenced. She accepted my point.

Aruna asked me what do I think about this jargon and my reply was offensive, "I'd battle through. I know this is not a lost cause."

If at all I do not have music in my life as my passion, I think I'd be mentally deaf and dead. I know I am being unrealistic here but I am serious. Without music, my life ends there. Even now, as I am typing each letter, I hear the sweet melody of my new piece my tutor has taught me to play.

Sounds of Bells.

Sweet high treble notes opening the curtain full of wonders. Beautiful and lively rhythm accompanied by a few portamento and acciacatura. Then, in the middle of the wonders, another swish of wonder comes by and then - this was by ear and peripheral vision and I forgot this part of the melody because the key signature has been modulated. Then, I am lost in the sweet wonders, hanging there.

Supplicanti parce, Deus.
-I am a dreamer, and a fighter.